Sunday, December 19, 2010

Tik Tok

巧合,真的是很玄的事情。有些话,总会在适当的时候传达给你。

刚分手的一对艺人情侣说了:我们都太爱对方,太在意对方,抓得太紧,连一些小事都会吵架,会吃醋,有时候,也许分开了,放松一下,等彼此成熟了,如果有缘分,又对对方有感觉的话,再在一起吧。

真的,太在意对方,太在意还有多少能够黏着对方的日子,太害怕失去,真的会让你更容易失去。

只是,还需要多少的时间才能让自己成熟,由还有多少时间让自己成熟的去到一个有着8个小时时差的地方?

九个月,够吗?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Beginning of week 10

Being selfish, being sensitive, being over-reacting.

Brought myself a terrible start of the week 10.

Well, let's just chill.

Even though, I hate it so much.

Even though I can't stand the silence.

Even though it practically tear everything down.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Week 9

Really, everything just seems like yesterday. I still remember what happened last year around this time. The moments we had and how close we were. Now... The only thing left is just a formal smile and formal greetings. Nothing that happened include me. Things do change really fast huh? It really freaks me out thinking of this. Sometime, I do not even want to believe this is really happening. How I wish someone told me this is just a dream.

But, it is a reality that we must really learn to accept. Sudden lost of contact, lost of closeness... Everything without a reason, no, it is just me not being informed.

Dear, I might be smiling when I see you, talking to you like nothing happened. Do you know how much it is bleeding inside my heart? You will never know if neither of the person whom you treasure most treat you like this. I was proud to have you as a very close friend, having a very happy life, but now... Even wishing you Happy Birthday seems so awkward. Anyway, still, Happy Birthday~

p/s: Our friendship really seems to follow the fate of the present I gave last year.
____________________________________________________________________

I just want to feel appreciated. Not just words... I know, some feelings are not able to be expressed by words. But really, not the way you think it can. Perhaps, I will only feel under appreciated. What I want, is just to see a slight effort to show me that, its also something important for you too. I know you are busy, but... Even a tiny thought is enough.

I just want to know that you care. That's all. Just want you to care for my feelings.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

For You I Will

Sometimes its really amazing how someone can read your mind like there is no barrier in between each and every thoughts. Before you can say it out, he had already gave you an answer, made a decision or even done something for you.

I do not believe that people will do anything and everything for the one they love, there is definitely something that they will hold on to and never ever do it, no matter for anyone, not even themselves.

Today, "FOR YOU I WILL", 1 simple phrase, 4 words, 12 letters, make me realise that... There is nothing call IMPOSSIBLE. Be it just a mere thought, just trying out and perhaps it does not end up the way we wanted it to be, but the important thing is, the THOUGHT and COURAGE of doing it.

For my stubbornness, for my perfectionism, for my principle, you are willing to. At this moment, asking: "Is is worth it?" sounds like a stupid question from a fool. Perhaps, stop asking questions, just loving you with all my heart is a better answer to all that you had done and will do in the future.

Its more than words to describe what I feel, I guess using your phrase
You are the best thing I ever had in my life
will be a better way to show you what I feel because, we both feel the same way.

I will be by your side, no matter what happen in the end. If there is anything I can do to make you suffer less, I will. For now, I will just smile and promise... I will smile everyday.

If you ask me one day, what words are better than I LOVE YOU, the answer will be
FOR YOU I WILL

Friday, October 29, 2010

珊瑚海

寻找身边的另一半,是要看对方和你的缘分?还是个性能否互补?或是有多少共同点?

海鸟和鱼。。。注定是有缘的,共同点也不少,至少,对自由的渴望是一样的。也许,懂得珍惜对方也是他们的共同点。 个性互补吗?看的世界不同,理所当然地可以互补。

只是。。。 这样就能使彼此生命里,一直寻找的,遗失的那一块吗?

海鸟和鱼,永远不可能在一起,不是吗?海鸟,在海面上;鱼,在海水里。要靠近对方,该受的苦有多大,应该想象得到吧。海鸟,要承受的,是海面上不断迎面而来的海浪;鱼儿,要忍受一时的缺氧,不能呼吸的痛苦。

幸福?当然有。幸福过后,冷静的思考,其实,那样值得吗?海鸟,不可能为了鱼儿,待在海里;鱼儿,不可能为了海鸟飞上天上去。

就算彼此的世界有一丝丝的接触,那也不过是一个不能触碰的边界。跨过了那条界限,只会发现,根本不应该踏入那个世界。

海鸟和鱼,相爱了,到最后,也许只是一场美丽的意外。

意外就像一场梦,看清了,就该醒了吧。

生命里,爱上了错的人,痛的不是因为被伤害了,而是明明还很爱,却因为不能爱上对方的所有优点缺点而被迫放弃。爱了却爱得不够,也许才是最痛苦的。


P/S:分手的原因有很多,不分手的原因呢?如果只是单纯的不想重新习惯没有对方的日子,又何苦紧紧握着,不舍得放开呢?
P/P/S: Just pure random thoughts, do not think too much. ^^

100th

100th post... Can I make 3 wishes?

Getting back my time management skills and can start studying asap~

VLVN and SSRH run well... Last week of stress next week! Please please attend VLVN and the talk~

Secret... Keeping it to myself. ^^

Seriously, time passes really fast, 80% of my job as VP in PharmNotts had been completed. Both me and Dian Han were so relieved. It just felt like yesterday when we were first chosen, so many things happened, so many problems and stresses. And now... Its going to over. Suddenly feel so empty and lifeless again. LOL!

Anyway, more time to myself, S.T.U.D.Y!

Year 2 Gambate! ^^V

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Screwed

I have never been so screwed in my life before. All these effing stresses coming out of no where and suddenly appear in my totally screwed up life.

I never needed so much time before and now I am begging for 14 days in a week and the time please just stop for a moment. I need to finish my Endocrinology case study, make more promotion for the talks and vaccinations, arrange time with friends and private moments for myself!

Seriously going mad thinking about all these and going insane when people around you do not ever understand. Sabotaging my time for my studies for some seriously tiny matter which are so bloody not important should not be something people like them should do.

I am just begging for some space to breathe. Time, could you please just stop?

Seriously, why did I screw my life up so much this time?

If I need to sacrifice something to make things work, I would rather sacrifice myself.

Never ever ask me not to study or bloody hell study less. I am not going to do that.
Never ever in my whole life unless I know I can manage. Do not ask me to go out less with friends because I am going out very much lesser compare to others, going out less meaning NOT to go out at all, I am so not repeating that mistake.

Seriously, just a while for me to breathe in and out, to relax... Would you?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Acne, Jealousy, WHATEVER!

Sleeping less than 5 hours a day is seriously no joke. Pimple start crawling up my forehead, multiplying there and forming colonies there. They are so special that they can only survive in dessert where there is no water supply. The more my skin dehydrate due to staying in freezing cold AC room for long hours and yet not drinking enough of water, the more the grow. They had already attained resistance to my acne cream, cleanser and every single thing I apply on my face to eradicate all of them. OMG, I am seriously worry about my face! Pimple please please go away k? I know you guys wanna let me know I am stress and I need more sleep. I got the message now, just leave me alone k? I Don't Love You!


But seriously, my life had been turning upside down this semester, going all around and not sleeping until 3 am. Earliest time I slept since the Sem starts is 2 am, and that's when I am in m house in Subang. LMAO. The library used to be my second home but now, there is no more second home for me~ If I am forced to say 1, I would say SA - Mr. Gerard's office, counseling department... Anyway, need to experience some crazy uni life here. ^^

Had been getting lectures from parents which really made me stressed out. I just hope they could be a bit more supportive, not sarcastic. Well, hope I can prove to them that what they think about my lifestyle are so wrong. ^^


Realised something...

Jealousy rises when you can't achieve the exact same thing like what others did.

And yes, this is such a common sense. But who will actually admit that:

He/She can but I cannot. He/She is good.

And how many people know the answer to this question:

Does it help you to attain that something, by just jealousy?

There are many answers to this question though. 1 might say yes, other might say no. Actually its yes and no. =p

If it became a motivation for you to go from good to better, just like what others achieved, then its a healthy jealousy.

If it makes you think of how to make that someone fall without improving yourself, then... Fool, you are wasting your time!



Another thing is, sometimes, jealousy in a relationship does not mean you do not trust your another half, its just you do not trust yourself that you can actually be as good as the person you are jealous of. In other way, you actually admire your competitor.

But seriously, if the person really love you, he should love you for who you are. Why worry that the some1 he is close with will take him away? If that really happens, meaning, he is not worth your love and your competitor is not really that great for you to be jealous of her.


Last question:

Is it better to live an imperfect lifestyle than to imitate others' lifestyle perfectly?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Confession of A Princess

I know sometimes I always jump into some worst case scenario, thinking that letting go/giving up is the best solution for the current situation. I can never scratch that silly thought out of my mind in the past, but things are really different this time.

There are so many things to remind me how important you are. There are just too many memories that will make me smile to myself when I am flashing back.

I know things will work out through sharing, just like it always does. Walking through all these together, being honest to each other and understanding everything that either one is going through, all the feelings, be it positive or negative.

Listening to your voice is the best cure to the relapse of my phobia. I just hope we can make it through this time without getting into any fight, like how we go through our problems in the last 4 months. Smile is the thing that we brought to each other, I hope we won't lose it, and not having a smile when we go to sleep is so not in our dictionary.

Maybe, you will be asking, why post something so personal? Yea, it is personal, but can serve as a reminder to many people reading this post that, there is still one more thing before jumping into any conclusion or making any heartbreaking decision, ie:

SHARE

Friday, October 8, 2010

Perfection

Being a perfectionist just screw my life up.

Ya, maybe many things I have done came to a very nice end because of my pursue for perfection. I always do my very best to achieve the best outcome I can ever get. I can do anything just for it, deteriorating my health, sacrificing my outings or even going around begging for help. I never regret for being a perfectionist when it comes to things that involve me and only me. There are no worries that people might not be comfortable with my own principle, my own thoughts and my own way of dealing with things.

The perfectionism in me freaked me out when I am not the only one in the whole picture.

When people might only expect 70% from the project we are working on, I might be aiming for a 99%. There comes the great conflict. I will be working much more than the others, perhaps in the process let other thought that I am just trying to show off, and in the end stressing myself up, leaving myself thinking 'Why am I so worn out because of this which I do not gain any benefit or when others are doing much lesser?'. There is only one answer: Perfectionist. Sometimes, it really hurts a lot when others do not understand that you are just trying to get the best out of things we are doing, and thinks that its a way to humiliate them, telling them how good I am. But seriously, for those who have this thought in your mind, screw it please. I am just being a freak, hoping everything is done nicely, even if I am not gaining anything from it. I am just trying to carry out my responsibility in the best manner.

Intruding others' life, changing them from who they are to what I want them to be is such a normal thing for me to do. I mean normal, not easy. Seeing cousins neglecting the studies for games, dramas, or whatsoever make me scold them, make me trying to control their time management. This is really none of my business, not like their parents are not there to do that. Its just the thought that they must be like me, try my best to excel in studies, even if fail, at least try. I forgot that not everyone can be as perfectionist as me.

I can't help but to nag when seeing friends risking their health with cigarettes, weeds, alcohol or any kind of drugs coming into their life. I know those people who got words from me might feel really annoyed, thinking: 'Why the hell are you giving me lectures? Who are you?'. I totally understand but sorry, a perfectionist is not only looking for perfection in her life, but also people who are close to her. I will not give a damn to your life if you are just some hi-bye friend in my life. If you mean nothing to me, then the way you ruin your life will not affect the perfectibility of my life. I sound selfish huh? But too bad, I am selfish. I want my life to be as perfect as possible and I do not want you to leave my life. So I chose to introduce some good changes in your life, hopefully in a manner that both feel comfortable. A perfectionist cannot risk losing a friend in her life, more importantly, cannot risk having a friend losing his life. So, I might hate myself for being a perfectionist, giving you and myself burden, screwing up my friendships with people but in other way, I am glad that I am a perfectionist.

It is just that,

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you cannot stand to see his or her life change too much, to the extent that they will lose themselves when you left their life.

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you want to respect his or her choice and rather choose to hurt yourself, sacrificing your perfectionism.


But hey, people cannot be perfect, weigh the flaws yourself.


爱你,离开你。。。 静静的聆听,你幸福的回音。 A sad but nice song. Recent new love =p

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Updates~

Its 2nd week of MPharm II and I am starting to get used to the many changes of Year 2 life.

Life is great with a car around, especially being trapped in such a jungle when you cant walk out and get a nice restaurant for a lunch or dinner~ Still waking up as early as usual... Why? Parking skills sux so need to get to the parking area in campus earlier since it will be sooooo empty that I can easily get my cute baby into the parking box. =p

Life in Uni with not only friend... I am really starting to get used to it. Had some serious conflict and a lot of questions for myself on the first few days of uni. Is it really a nice timing? Can I cope with my studies? Can I use my time fully, as in without affecting my study time, without ignoring my friends ans can still spend time with him? Took me sometime to get away from thinking only about me myself and start putting him into the time planning. Just... Thank you for understanding.

Its difficult to ignore the fact that Pharmacy is a stressful course... Esp when added with PharmNotts stuffs. Imagine class from 9-5 and meeting from 5 til maybe 6? It might be once a week, but still tiring. Also, everyone is really getting into study mood now. Its only the first week and the book I borrowed on the 3rd day of class was being recalled. All the books were fully booked. Its just so amazing thinking about that. Need to trigger my kiasu genes already. Lab starting soon, meaning~ Reports shall be piling up soon! And guess what, my laptop is going to hospital this week or maybe next week. Wish me luck in finishing my report on time!!!

Anyway, first 2 weeks were nice~ =p BBQ to celebrate moon cake fest with friends, BBQ in my new house and dinner with friends~ Life's good... When not thinking about studies. LOL! But I would rather have such packed timetable, at least you know, its time to study~ Not honeymoon year anymore...MoonCake Fest!

Orientation 2010

BBQ and House Warming

Dinner at Mamak~




And, I know, things change and feel different, I am being really emotional lately, great mood swings, paranoid, thinking way too much, throwing temper all around. Bla~ Anyway, time to get back to serious business~ Cannot fool around already! Smile girl~

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hello Year 2!

Finally Year 2 is starting 2 weeks later.

4 months had passed just like that, without any useful things done at all, other than my Industrial Training in Cerebos during August. Summer holidays with no books, no lectures, no assignments and no experiments rox!

Me in the lab!

Kak Maz, Me n Shira on the last day of work! Miss you!

Seriously enjoyed my Summer holidays a lot, managed to catch up with a lot of friends who are always here or just came back from overseas, mainly UK, also traveling to Penang, Malacca, Genting and Taiwan. ^^

Family and Nich darl in Penang! (Batu Ferringhi)

Meet up with Jing Yee, Kam Siew, Hui Min, Chang Soong in Penang! (Tropical Spice Garden)

But... Time to wake up from my super sweet, relaxing and enjoyable Summer Dreamz~ Face the reality once again!

Just moved in my stuffs to my new room in TTS 4. Room mate? PEK PENG! Weee~! This room is seriously much better than the 1 I stayed in during my Year 1. ^^ Hope I will enjoy more! =p

There are seriously a lot of changes throughout this four months and my Uni life in Year 2 will definitely be different because:

1. More assignments, more reports and TOUGHER modules! (Duh...)
2. Becoming senior!!! And my seniors are now in the UK! Gonna miss them.
3. More workload! Why??? PharmNotts! =p Schedule is now quite full even before the new Sem starts. OWA is constantly reminding me that I had exceeded my mail storage size. LOL! Hope my juniors can be good enough to ease out our jobs~
4. Having baby in the same Uni with me and hence... Adding lotsa sweetness to my Uni life~ ^^

The only thing that will not change is:

I love my Friends~
I Love my biscuits and my new lover-- Cornflakes~
I Love to Study~

Need to put in more effort this time to prove to my parents I can still study no matter what changes I had in my Uni life! UNMC Pharm Year 2, Here I come! See you officially on 27th Sept!

p/s:Darling leaving tomorrow! Hope you have a safe flight o~ Shall meet you again next year in June! Muax! <3

OMG! I don't want Summer Hols to End! Stop the clock from Ticking PLEASE!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Thank You

Even though I had been through times when I lost hope in some people, times of heart-break and felt like being left out, I really feel blissful to have a some friends who really loves me.

Even if we do not chat much, did not keep in contact for some time, I will still be remembered and things never feels awkward when we met. I will not forget how they lent me a helping hand when I was down, will not forget all the advice they gave me when I am being emotional, will not forget what we gossiped, will not forget all the moments we spent together.

Friends like you will be kept by my side forever. All the people I call dear, I call darling, I call sis, I call gor~ Really, thank you for being in my life.

Sometimes, I might feel lonely seeing people hanging out with a big bunch of friends, but seriously, among all those friends, how many can they share their secrets and problems with? Thinking of this, I really feel lucky to have all my dears and darlings to listen to my problems and secrets, all my gor and sis to understand my feelings. Thank You~

p/s: The source of this random post >>>
Chiam Shien Yin: You better go on9 everyday and tell me when you have any problems, I will be troubling you with my problems even if you are in UK!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

100 days~

Read this really meaningful note on FB by a guy named Lim Yee Wee (Dunno him though, just state down his name since I do not know if I will violate the copyright. LOL).

刚搬进这个房子的那天,她整理完全部的东西,最后拿出一个非常精致的玻璃瓶,对他说道:“亲爱的,3个月内,你让我每哭一次,我就往里面加一滴水,代表我的眼泪。要是它满了,我就收拾我的东西离开这房子。”

  男人不以为然,有点纳闷:“你们女人也太神经质了吧!就这么不信任我么,那还有什么可谈?我让你搬过来和我一起生活,是为了照顾你,不是欺负你的!”

  女人说:“好男人不会让心爱的女人受一点点伤,我会记录下我为什么流泪,不会是莫名其妙的。”

  “那好吧,抱抱~!”

  两个月后,女人把那瓶子给男人看,说:“已经满一半了,在两个月内,我们是否有必要查看一下是什么问题呢?”说完递了一本精致的小笔记本给男人。

  男人没有马上打开来看,他的表情里有一丝惊讶,还有点哭笑不得的意味,似乎没有想到女人的眼泪可以这么多,盛得这么快,又觉得女人是小题大作了,但是很可爱。

  他打开本子开始看,惊讶女人怎么写了那么多。男人一边看着,女人一边说话:“第一次吵架,是在第3天,而且还是一大早,你刚醒来有点懵懂,挤的牙膏不知道怎么的飞到镜子上了,那是我刚擦干净的,我说你连挤牙膏都不会啊,你就来脾气了,然后吵起来……”

  男人沉默着。女人继续说:“有天晚上我让你帮洗下那几件衣服,因为水太凉,你只顾着玩游戏迟迟不肯动,后来吵起来,我很失望你忘记了我的生理期不能碰冷水,委屈……”

   “还有一次,我很累了,你还不肯去洗澡睡觉,明明知道我特敏感,有点神经衰弱,哪怕一点点敲键盘的声音都能让我难以入睡,我一情急就说了你这个人自私的 话,我们吵起来,你说了一大堆辩论自己不自私自私的人是我之后甩门出去上网通宵,我打你电话你没拿我又不敢自己一个人去找你……”

  女人这时候有点激动了,眼球开始泛红,说:“还有一次……”男人打断了她的话,“亲爱的,别说了……”

  沉默…长久的沉默……

  还是女人打破了沉默:“是不是我们真的不合适?如果是这样,结婚了还是会离婚吧?我们的个性都那么强,谁都不肯退让。”

  气氛有点尴尬。

   本子里记录的事情都是那么细小的事情,每次吵架的原因都是那么的简单,男人看着这本子,似乎在体会着女人的心情,大男子是不会去计较这些小事,原本觉得 每次和好之后都没事,女人就爱拿这些来说事,但是当他认真去看的时候,他也开始难过了,女人很细心,把事件、心情都写了,还自己总结了一下原因。原来最微 小的事情累积起来是很让人痛苦的,他看得出,女人从失望慢慢变成绝望。

  他想,大概是因为每次吵架,两人都是喜欢在吵架中找出对方不爱自己的证据。他突然意识到,这是个很严重的问题!而且每次吵架,双方都是在心情不稳定的时候,就是还有别的烦心事的时候,把不好的情绪带进了两个人的生活里。

  “亲爱的别难过……”男人终于说话了:“我请个假,我们去旅游吧。”

  他们去了第一次一起旅游的地方,太多美好的回忆被唤起,原来彼此是那么深深地爱着对方,这时的女人特别温柔,这时的男人特别体贴。

  “亲爱的,你还认为我们结婚的话,会离婚么?”男人问。

  “我想不是我们不合适,像现在,我们是那么快乐,一切都那么美好,可是一回到我们的现实生活里,为什么就变了呢?”

  “亲爱的,难道我们现在不在现实里吗?”

  “……”女人楞了。

  “因为那时候我们都把注意力集中在负面的事物上并且放大了那些负面的心情。并且喜欢找对方不爱自己的证据,然后彼此个性都很倔不肯服输太要面子。”

  女人觉得确实是如此,原来,双方只是需要一点点忍让,一点点包容。男人带她回顾这初次旅游的地点,是真的用心了,想起那时候他们在一起还不久,为了让对方觉得自己好,都表现出自己最好的一面。

  “还有半个月,如果那瓶子还是半瓶,那么,亲爱的,嫁给我吧!”

  女人钻进男人怀里笑开了颜

   后来他们结婚了。很少再吵架。如果粗心的男人不小心碰掉了杯子,女人不会再开口就骂,因为在女人开口之前,男人已经在道歉,说对不起,都是我不小心的, 赔两个给老婆!老婆尽管去选你喜欢的!女人就笑了,然后说,不用买啦,反正还有杯子,再说也不都是你的错,怪我自己没把杯子放好,让你碰到啦!

  原来真的没有合适不合适,只有珍惜不珍惜,能一起走一起进步是幸福的!

Chose to post this up today because its a very special day. <3

Warning! PDA after this~ =p

There are times where we will feel that we are from totally different world, and some people might say that we are not meant for each other because of some different lifestyle. But I choose to care less about what other people say because its a two people thing.

The most important thing is I know how much you treasure me and you know how important you are to me.

There might be jealousy involved when we are dealing with something but I am really glad that we always open up to talk over it. Trust is not something easy to give so both of us must be proud that we are able to do so, even though it is just bit by bit. Yes, there are times when we feel insecure, we feel jealous, but just like what they said:

A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy, it is always nice to know someone's afraid to lose you.

Trust takes time to be built, and I know we can do it. ^^

Really thank you for being so understanding, sometimes I might turn you down on things, I might hurt your feelings when I threw my temper, but still, you tolerated with me and return all these not with scoldings not blames, but a cute smile. This means a lot to me. The evidence? See how you overcome my phobia? =p I used to think that tolerating doesn't help much but it is just because I had not met someone who can see it can understand it. But now, I believe in tolerating, understanding and communicating. ^^

Just hope every couple will tolerate with each other, just like the last sentence of the story up there, there is nothing about suitable or not, its only whether you cherish each other. ^^

(Sorry for PDA <3)>

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Double

Sometimes, I really wonder... Is it worth it for you to do so much for something or someone? It is okay if they do not appreciate, but why must they take it for granted and even bite you back, hurting you as a payback.

Some people demand a lot from others while they cannot offer others anything. Sometimes things they do are just like a piece of worthless shyt and you will need to fix the situation for them. It hurts more when they look like the god from heaven and you look like the devil from hell in others eyes.

I hate such people.
______________________________________________________________________
People always pursuit for something better in life and hence tends to change the things or people around you to meet the standard you set.

Actually, we do know that doing this make ourselves suffer, making our lives miserable but we just can't control. Things come so naturally that we seldom realize what we are doing until someone tell us.

But then, are we actually wrong? It may be suffering right now, but it will turn out great in the future. Just that people do not want to look at the future, for it is still a long way ahead. Some just cannot accept changes, because they are perfectly okay with their life now and they do not want to suffer.

Perhaps, living your own life, doing anything you like to your own life is enough. But... Caring for others, doing anything you can for others is something really happy, even if you suffer a lot in the process.

I feel contented in my own way knowing that I actually did something for someone, even if it does not turn out as what I expected. At least... I DID SOMETHING and I can answer to myself.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Complicated

Things in this world is just complicated especially feelings. There are times when you do not know what feelings or emotions you should be having.

When you are feeling so overjoyed, you try to ignore the sadness, frustration, depression, insecurities and worries because they seems to be negligible, also because you tends to choose the positive thinking.

When problems strikes, no matter how minor it seems, it will bring out the negative feelings deeply buried inside you. All the negative thoughts, all those worst case scenario and ignored problems will just flood out before you realize. If at this moment, something happy happened, what should you feel?

Its like on a roller coaster when you went up so high, then suddenly rushing down the slope and go up again. There are many people in this world who cannot take this ride because their heart cannot stand it. And yes, many people cannot deal with sudden mood swing and all the mixed feelings.

There are also sometimes when you know you are feeling this way but you are forcing yourself not to because you are told that you should not. Sometimes also because your feelings are not only affecting yourself only, but also some other people or the relationship between each other. Its like, no matter being selfish or not, you will get yourself hurt in the end. So, what should we feel?

Monday, August 16, 2010

Congrats~ ^^

"Sophia, I THINK I AM PREGNANT!"

The words were like a cup of coffee or Livita or Red Bull... Instantly woke me up and turn off my sleepy mode.

That was the first thing she told me in that morning when she saw me.
My reaction: Stunned --> Blank --> OMG --> HAPPY!

'Cos I was like joking around with her last week saying that she might be pregnant since she kept on thinking about food, having a greater urge for food she loves. It was like OMG, what I said came true and most importantly... This is the 1st time some1 told me herself that she is pregnant~! It may sound real weird or I might be the only hyper 1, but seriously, none of my cousins are married, I mean not in Malaysia and I do not have siblings! Feels so excited though I am not really close with her. Still, congrats!!! =p Ohya, SHE is my colleague. ^^

Talking about babies, makes me think about marriage, and hence thought about Wedding! OMG, I am super crazy over wedding gowns! Don't you think that wedding gowns are super duper nice? It's like the nicest dress on the world. Really feel like wearing one and have a photo-shooting session. There is no rule stating that one must be getting married when she wears a wedding gown right? Perhaps, I should get my cousin or friend to go take photos with me. ^^
N, I just wanna wear a wedding gown, not want to get married. =p

You know wat, Vera Wang is simply AWESOME~!

Random Fact: There is a bridal shop in SS2 call SOPHIA.

K, drag too far~ Haha! =p

Saturday, August 7, 2010

They come and go... And sometimes, they stay permanently...

Do you ever wonder why some people just stop talking to you or even ignore your existence? Sometimes, they feel that you are just talking to the air around them, that's why it "look" like you are facing them.

I dare say, I am lucky enough to have all these happening on me more this year. Isn't it interesting? Being able to have all these experiences, going through all those sad and disappointing moments in life.

It especially hurt most when others asked you about it. No no, that's not the worst part. The worst part is: YOU DO NOT KNOW THE REASON YOU ARE BEING IGNORED.

Only at this moment, you will know that you do not understand them at all. You will even start doubting yourself, IS IT A CRIME TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE? or IS IT A CRIME TO HELP AND CARE FOR THEM? IS IT A CRIME TO DO MY BEST IN MY JOB? I guess it really is.

Luckily at this moment, I remember some one telling me: " As long as you know that you did the right thing, as long as you can answer yourself, you are not wrong." Yes... I am not wrong, I just, do not have the luck. Let's blame it to my destiny and the only thing I can do is, SMILE AND CONTINUE MY LIFE, not letting anyone interrupt it. Accept the fact that people come and go in your life, those who meant to and destined to stay, will be with you forever, no matter how far you are apart, they will still be in your life. Some people who are close to you or around you for a very long time might not even be those that will be in your life forever.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

OMG

OMG! @ 1

My gum are bleeding more than usual recently, I think after I went to the dentist. ><><

OMG! @ 2

I had been to Genting for 3 times this month. ><><>< I am melting! Perhaps, I shall move to Genting one day. =p But seriously, if Sunway Pyramid is my home, Genting is my 3rd home d.

OMG! @ 3

Gonna start working tomorrow! Kinda like internship, for one month~ ^^ So... No salary, only allowance! And the allowance, I wonder if it is enough for my dad's petrol plus food. Anyway, hope everything will go on smoothly and I can learn something. But, no matter what, it is still better than rotting at home. 7.25 am to 5.10 pm... Why so early??????? Need to sleep a lot earlier d~ Good thing, set back my biological clock which is already a bit upside down. ^^ Gambate~!!!!!!

OMG! @ 4

I am so clueless about where to travel during September. Wanted to go Sepang Gold Coast so so so so much but its so frigging expensive! RM 599 nett per night per person. Even though everything is included, its still scary to spend RM 1800 in a day! Meaning nearly 4k in 2 days, its already enough for me and my mum to fly and stay in Taiwan for another week! So... What's the plan? I dunno. Help!!! Erm, maybe, Penang?

OMG! @ 5

I got myself a new gadget!!! ^^ Thank you daddy~! The red gadget along with all the free gifts, LOVE IT! Though I do not have much chances to use it. LOL!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Secrets? Random thoughts again. =p

Keeping secrets in the heart hurts ourselves. Sometimes, spilling it out will hurt even more people.

So, some people choose to keep it to themselves and hoping no one will ever know or start a topic related to it.
Some people choose to say it out because they feels that other people deserve to know even if they got hurt.

There is never a perfect solution. There is no right and wrong. No matter how, people will get hurt in the process, be it yourself or other people.

Sometimes, spilling it out, make a secret a problem, but in the end, what you get is a solution. Sometimes, keeping it to yourself enable the secret to be kept forever and no problem will be created, life goes on.

I used to love keeping everything to myself, because, I do not like to create problems for others nor adding burden onto people that I love. I would rather be struggling with all my thoughts, questions and secrets stuck in my mind than sharing with others. Sometimes, people might even not appreciate it when you try to share and you will be really screwed when they complicate the situation rather than solving it. But when you keep all your thoughts to yourselves, you are not showing the people who are important to you the true you. Pretty contradicting...

The most important thing is, when you meet someone who is
worth you showing the real you,
communicating with them in a way you are most comfortable with,
not worry about how your image will be ruined because of the way you behave,
and also,
telling them anything you have in your mind,
knowing that they will understand and even give you the appropriate advice,
you will not be contradicting yourselves anymore. ^^

Btw, just another random post which I do not know what is the main topic I am talking about. =p Well, life is full of randomness, isn't it? <3

我们该分手吗?

女孩终于鼓起勇气对男孩说:“我们分手吧。”
“为什么?”男孩问。
“厌倦了,就不需要理由了。”

一个晚上,男孩只玩线上游戏不说话,女孩心里也越来越凉了。
‘连挽留都不会表达的情人,能给我怎么样的快乐?’
过了很久,男孩终于忍不住问:“怎样做,你才能留下来?”
“回答我一个问题,如果你能达到我心里面想要的答案,我就留下来。”
“要是我非常喜欢悬崖上的一朵花,而你去摘的结果是百分百的死亡,你会不会摘给我?”女孩接着说。
“明天早晨告诉你答案好吗?”
女孩的心顿时灰了下来。

早晨醒来,男孩已经不在,只有一张写满字的纸,压在温热的牛奶杯下。
第一行,女孩的心已经凉透。

“亲爱的,我不会去摘,但请容许我说出不去摘的理由,好吗?
你只会用电脑打字,却总会把程序弄得一塌糊涂,然后对着键盘哭,我要留着手指帮你整理程序。
你出门时总是忘记带钥匙,我要留着双脚跑回来帮你开门。
喜爱旅游的你,在自己的城市也常常迷路,我要留着眼睛为你带路。
每个月‘好朋友’来临时,你总是全身冰凉还肚子疼,我要留着掌心帮你温暖小腹。
你不爱出门,担心你会患上自闭症,我要留着嘴巴驱赶你的寂寞。
你总是爱叮着电脑,眼睛都被糟蹋得不是很好了,我要好好活着,等你老了还能帮你修剪指甲。
我还要帮你拔掉懊恼的白头发,拉着你的手在海边享受美好的阳光,和柔软的沙滩。
我要告诉你,花的颜色就像你青春的脸。
所以,在我不能确定有人比我更爱你之前,我不想去摘那朵花。”

女孩的泪滴在纸上,但她抹干净眼泪,继续往下看。

“亲爱的,如果你已经看完了,而答案还让你满意的话,请你开门吧。
我正站在外面,手里提着你最爱吃的鲜奶面包。”

女孩拉开门,看见他的脸紧张得像个孩子一样,只会把拎着面包的周在他眼前晃。
女孩终于明白,这就是在爱情里或生活里,被平静的幸福包围着时,所透露出的平凡爱意。

Friday, July 16, 2010

100

短短的一百天,能做些什么呢?

也许就跟平常一样,
糊里糊涂的过日子,
或忙碌的努力拚命,

也许在伤心中度过,
或者活在欢笑声中。

我用了一百天的时间,
认识了一个人,
让我。。。
找回了快乐的自己,
做了一些疯狂的事情,
满足了自己很多的欲望,
重新享受爱与被爱的滋味。

一百天的分享,
一百天的倾听,
一百天的关心,
虽然会很短暂,
但已让我爱上。
未来的第几个一百天,
希望只会越来越爱你。

也谢谢你,
还记得
所说过,
做过的,
每一件事情。
爱你也许真的不需要理由。♥

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Memorable Birthday~!

Tadaa~ I am finally 19-year-old, cannot laugh at people saying I am still 18. 1 more year before I turn 20. >< Well, this year, my birthday is really a happy one. I had not been having such happy birthday since the last birthday four years back then when I threw a birthday party at my house.

Perhaps, birthday is not really that important but it is still special, a day when you are born to this world, a day when you start your journey of life. No matter how you live your life, you will not have a chance to if there is no such a day known as YOUR BIRTHDAY. Hmmm, why making it sounds so serious and complicated... >< Anyway, for me, I just have a little wish which is to spend this day with my love ones, and this year, I did it. ^^ My parents, my sisters and my boyfriend.

9th of July:

Had been looking forward to this day and I was not disappointed by even a tiny bit. Baby had planned it well and there is just 3 words to describe it -- SWEET LIKE MAD

Baby and I chosen karaoke to spend our time before dinner. We went to Redbox Gardens for the buffet lunch and seriously had a great time there. Its like almost a month since I went to sing k so yea, we enjoyed ourselves~ ^^ Singing all the songs with baby was just sweet~ =D

Us at Redbox~

And after Singing k, this baby started giving me surprise. The blur blur baby made me believed in his lies and suddenly appear outside the car with 2 big creatures. And OMG, its my CUPIDO and CUPIPI! I seriously never expect him to buy me those because... Refer to one of my post. Seriously, damn touched k? I know I sounded like a little girl loving all these soft toys but they are seriously super cute and I waited for like a year d! What more when they are given to you by your beloved? Cos they represent love~! Thank you baby!!!!!! Will take photo of them after they took their bath~ ^^

Then, we had dinner at Bintang Revolving Restaurant @ Federal Hotel~ Baby gave me 3 choices but in the end I chose a place which is not in the 3 choices. Feel so evil. =p Overall, the food was ok, not to say very nice but still worth it 'cos of the atmosphere and not-bad-view. ^^ Most importantly is, went there with baby~ ^^


Then, we were supposed to go Ampang Look-Out-Point. But, my parents were nagging for going out til very late (it was only 9 plus...) and the traffic was jam like mad. Seriously, stuck in a dunno-what-is-going-on jam for like 15 mins, basically, there were jam in any road we used. So... Gave up since I promised mum to be back by 11. >< Not disappointed though because that was just an extra bonus of the night and I had already seen the night view of KL in the restaurant. ^^

Then, my baby was so busy with messages when he was driving me home. Luckily his driving skills is good enough... LOL! That pig dunno why suddenly looks so emo, so I thought he was just too tired. 4 hours of karaoke session by 2 person only was not easy le. Haha.

Anyway, reached home and had baby to stay at my house til at least 12 am to countdown my birthday. ^^ Audrey was there too cos since last year she will be staying over at my place to countdown with me too. =p When I went upstairs to find my mum, she passed me a present from my aunt. Its a romper~ (I always thought I can never fit into one because of my super weird proportion, like what baby said: 30:70... >< But this 1 was just nice le~ Really thank you! Haha.)

Audrey made me try that romper and that 2 devil (audrey and baby) were busy chatting. I thought they were insulting each other again. LOL! But, after I am done fitting into that romper and wanted to show them, I WAS SHOCKED~ Guess what, they are carrying a cake outside my room and singing Birthday song! Even my mum was part of it. ><"

Seriously, it was really very sweet! To have you love ones planning a surprise for you and feel more sweet after knowing the process of planning. I Love You Mummy, Audrey and Shaun! And baby, you are really crazeeeee in a super good and sweet way!!!!!!! I am really happy to be blur~! It really works because I seriously did not suspect a single thing. ><

Me and baby!!!!! And the cake~ ^^

Me and Audrey!!!!!! Love you my Sis~! Really do not know how u can keep this from me for like a week~!

Ohya, And when I took out my Cupido and Cupipi from their bags, I found something seriously TOUCHING! Something that is a lot better than a birthday card even if its just 2 pieces of paper. It still feel sweet no matter how many time I read it. ^^

10th July: Birthday~

Forced Audrey to say out their plans and sleep at 2 something, near 3 am. @.@ But it was the sweetest night ever I can say. ^^

Went to Sunway Pyramid to watch Twilight: Eclipse with Audrey~ The movie was ok, more to romance and less action, not like what we saw in the trailer. Even the battle was a bit too erm... Fast? Edward is pity in this ep, that's what I felt la. But nvm~ Jacob is handsome~! =p


Then, went to Genting for buffet dinner~! And baby followed us there!!! =p First genting trip with family plus baby! Though not a really great trip, not a really great dinner but then its special. Really very special and again, sweet (I am sorry if I use the word sweet too many times, but then its the truth). ^^ And that is really one of my best birthday present. =p

Baby~!

Me and Family~!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Taiwan and Gathering~

Weeee~ Back from Taiwan and this is the place that I love the most! Super nice o~! Dan Shui Lovers Bridge (Direct translation). Haha.

Took a lot of photos, around 1300 I think? LOL! So I am toooooo lazy to upload all. =p Just post this pic up cos its really a very nice place, will definitely go again just to take photos cos there is no shops there, except restaurants. Also recommended to go there during evening, nicer and all the shops will be opened. LOL! And look, that's my parents~! Muax!

Anyway, ate a lot and here are some food that are really recommended. Haha! I am like a pro in food d. LOL! Joking la, what I ate is not even 10% of the nice food in Taipei. ^^

My NO.1 favourite! Chong Zhua bing, kinda like roti canai but very much nicer than roti canai! Why cant we have it in Msia?????!!!!


Kinda famous I think but the food ok la, just the 2 below are recommended, their famous noodles are not really that nice though~

Prawn Roll~

Black Pepper roasted pork. Super duper nice! Ordered 2 plates~

WEEEEE~ Mr.J's restaurant~ Food not bad but most importantly is, Jay Chou's shop!

Mango ice~ The mango were sweet n the syrup is really made from mango le. Super fresh oso. Nice nice nice!

Oyster Mee Sua~! And its not ordinary mee sua o, its Ah Chung Mee Sua, I guess the most famous mee sua in Taiwan? LOL!

Busy after coming back from Taiwan. Met A-Levels gang on the second day~! Had lunch in White and everyone ordered the same old food... Chicken Rice! What makes it nicer? The memories! ^^

Watched Ip Man with Keen, Cheong n Ian~! Then became a light bulb which was sooooo bright. Luckily that love birds aka Jonathan and Yee went movie after I kacau them for half an hour. Yee got me a bday present too! *Big hugs n flying kisses*

Then, rest for a day and went for my Primary school gathering. As usual, more like an outing or lunch session but it's great to see a different gang every gathering. The constant attendees: Me n Yeh Vin! Many ffk last minute though. Anyway, great to see them!

From left: Xiao Qi, Ive, Me, Takki, Yeh Vin, Ruby and Izzati~

I know right, you might be scratching your head asking... Since when Shaun came from my primary school. =p
Actually baby was just fetching me here and there, accompanying me for this and that~ ^^

Friday, July 2, 2010

T.R.U.T.H

Nobody is perfect and hence you can never find someone who is totally fulfill the criteria of a perfect partner. There is something that you will need to try to accept for you to get something else that you want. Is the thing that you want worth you accepting something that you will not accept? In other words, is the person worth your love?

Maybe, people will say that love is love, there is nothing about worth it or not. Love him and you should not be calculating too much. Love is not a mathematics question, no calculation should be involved, there is nothing about who sacrifice more and hence deserve more love. Its only about TOLERATING and how to make the relationship work in a two-way manners. It is just like crossing a bridge where only one person can go across at a time. If you do not want to tolerate and let the other person cross first, neither of you can cross. The bridge will eventually break due to the pressure and weight, and now, nobody can go through. You may feel that why should you be that noble and be the one who tolerate, but remember, he or she might be tolerating too, it is only you did not realise. Even some small things like letting you choose what you want to have for dinner is a kind of tolerating, though you may think that he or she cannot make up his own mind. This is because they know that there is nothing much they can do to make you happy, and since tolerating you and let you choose they things you like can make you smile, they will do it.

Someone says, Love is Blind. Even you did not accept, but because you love the person, you tend to focus on your love and ignore the other issues that you can neither tolerate or accept. But, in a long term, when both of you gets closer and there is not much fear of losing each other, problems will come. At this moment, I guess what comes into play is not only tolerating, but also RESPECT. Respect each others' choice and decision they made for their life. You can go into their life, but not interrupt their life. You might be important in their life, but you are not the only one present. There are many other parties that they will need to take into account, like friends. And if the person is willing to tolerate, even not until the extend you expected or hope, it is already enough and worth you respecting. What more if their words are kept and what you said are remembered. Moreover, if you already know in the beginning that complaining will not make much difference, why not you try respecting? Respect does not mean support. It is just like two rough surfaces, you know you cannot remove the friction unless you make the surfaces extremely smooth. If making the surface smooth is impossible, why not add a lubricant? It will not remove all the friction, but at least some.

Perhaps, many including me may think that in the beginning of a relationship, everyone can make a lot of promises and tolerate a lot, but this will fade with time. They tend to not remember what they said, expecting you to tolerate and understand. For some, I think is because they really take things for granted since they are immature. There are also some people who knows that there is something that is being built with time, TRUST. They trust each other and know deep down in the heart that they know whatever they are doing, the another half will understand. Sometimes, this may be a good thing, provided they do not take this trust for granted and starting to betray their partner. Time can prove everything, its only whether the truth is the one you wanna see or the one that hurt you to the maximum. But, it is just part of your life and at least, you know the truth. You can know that whether your insecure feelings are merely because you do not have enough confidence in yourself and your partner or really because your partner do not worth your trust.

Everyone hurt a lot of people in their life and everyone is hurt by many people too. Phobia will be developed, heart will have cracks here and there. However, you learned lessons which you can't find on any books. I know this sounds so much like the line we always write in our essays back in primary or secondary school, but yea, you learned something which you will remember for your life because you were once very down but you stood up again. I can only say that your next one will be slightly more lucky because you learned your mistake in the past relationship and hence, will try not to repeat it. Also, you will learn how to look from other people's point of view and try to UNDERSTAND why they have such decision. You will be mad, you will be disappointed, but when you make an effort to understand, you will know that you should not be angry over anything and blame anyone for that because sometimes they do not mean to make the decision or the decision might be the best for them at the moment. (sorry for stealing some1's line~ =P).

Lastly, Love with you HEART. Your heart can feel things that you may not be able to see or hear. Your mind might be affected by the words others say, be it offending or so sweet that melts you, but your heart is always the one who tell you what exactly you feel.

If you still want maths:

Love = Tolerating + Respect + Understanding + Trust + Heart

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

被约束的自由

旅行回来,发现到一件事,也可以说真正领悟到。。。 原来有时候离开可以让人忘记一些问题,忘记一些烦恼,但是却始终逃不了,避不了,该面对的,始终该面对。

理由,可以让人逃避现实,但又能维持多久呢?同样的情况再度出现时,还能怎样呢?难道每一次都用同一个理由?就算那个理由是事实,也不能让别人一直迁就自己吧!不断的妥协,让全部人都难受,很好吗?

只是真的不明白,有些人就是不肯承认是自己在搞鬼,是自己不愿意让步,却还要赖在别人身上。说给一直被困在笼子里的鸟儿自由,却只是给它换一个大一点的笼子;说要放手了,却换另一条长一点的绳子绑住风筝,有分别吗?

Face the truth dear... You will not be given the freedom that you deserve at your age, for you are the only child. Sometimes, I ask myself... Why you are asked to live your own life like an adult when you are still being treated like a kid where you are being restricted to do things that people at your age had done long ago and those are activities that wont harm your life.

I guess lacking freedom made me hurt many people, broke a lot of promises... There is nothing I can do, no matter how hard I try to persuade, how hard I try to prove myself... I am just sorry.

也许,在我还没能主宰自己的人生前,我不应该走进别人的世界里吧。。。Especially when I know that the main problem is I do not social enough, not because I isolated myself, is because my so called freedom restricted me from that.

Even a simple camp, simple vacation with friends or a simple trip without them, is not something I can do when I am already in University. Perhaps, I shall really hope less, asked less or even stop enjoying the freedom I have now.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Rotting in progress...

OMG~! I am rotting at home! Well, actually no... Basically, I have something to do everyday.

Had been going to Fitness First for 3 days. The Fitness First Platinum in Empire is cool cos they have a real nice swimming pool. Not to say very big, but just nice. =p However, I did not lose weight, in fact, I gained weight~! Running on treadmill for half an hour after a heavy meal just burn away less than 10% of the calories. Swimming another 5% perhaps? Abdominal crunch machine is nice though, hope I can have 1 at home! ^^ Also, went to this body jam class. Everything was so fast, cha cha to mambo to salsa to samba then basic steps etc... I cannot follow!!! Confused all the steps but its still tiring! =p Free membership is until 22nd and I guess I do not have the chance to go anymore.

And guess what, Nich darl is back! So do most of the A-Levels UK gang!!! Luckily I managed to meet Nichelle on 18th after I got my bloody results which really sux... ><>< Come to my house and play with my make up set! N sleepover... Miss those days...

Know what we are doing? We are comparing asses... ^^

Hug hug from Darling after 9 months!

Love you Nich! Muax~!

Yea... Results is out. I could have done better. B07 and A08. I wonder why I can lose so many marks, though kinda expected I will lose a lot of marks. WTH i am talking? Yayaya, as in, I do not expect that many marks... Expected slightly less. Stupid mistake done in B07! The most annoying part is: A lecturer deducting marks from your assignments for exceeding word counts when he told you it is ok to exceed the word count! And that you had confirmed with him for 3 times! Also when the marks you were supposed to get and you are getting are on 2 extremities! If I failed that module, I would have destroy his whole office, sue him, make him lose his job, complain to UK Nott, make it on press! K, joking... I do not have that power la... Though I have the rights. =p N I suddenly feel that Mr. Wong is much better... ^^

It's going to be a weight gaining week for me starting today! Umaiyah Jap buffet Lunch today to celebrate Father's Day and family dinner for all the fathers in my family... And... TAIWAN TRIP! Yes!!! Arranged all the schedule by looking for directions to places on google maps~ However, food is not the most important thing here... The most important is... SHOPPING! OMG, i have so many things to buy... Boots, bag, purse, dresses, shirts, skirts, shorts etc. How I wish my luggage weight limit were 100 kg and no limited budget by dad. ><

And, I started watching football... I do not know why and Even my mum wonders why. LOL! Did not watch all the matched cos Stadium Astro is no where in sight in my house. >< Germany, Spain and England... I do not know what happen to them, maybe they were under pressure knowing I was watching them? Higuain was overwhelmed knowing me supporting him and hence, scoring 3 goals in the match? Pudolski knows I do not like him as much as Higuain, Messi and Torres so he could not perform well cos unable to focus? *fantasy-ing*wake up from dream* Wonders who will enter semi, finals and become champion... Have high hopes on Spain though. But... K, I am not really a great fans of whichever country, so just watch! But gonna miss a lot of matches! Nvm, it's worth it~

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Fair?

This world is never fair...

People always say that good people will be rewarded after doing a good deed while those who committed crimes will be punished. I guess this is just another piece of crap? If it is true, why are we looking at all those unsolved cases which we can actually tell the truth with slight common sense? Why are we looking at some 'suspects' who can still be working after being reported? Evidence was insufficient? Or perhaps just disappeared suddenly like wind? Or because the victims are not important enough?

Sometimes, innocent people need to bear the consequences of the mistake done by other people, who might be totally unrelated to them. Those people who made mistake experience no harm, no pain and might not even know what they had done. Perhaps, even if they know, sometimes, sorry is the only word they can say. The rest of the things, just leave it to the innocent people. They will have ways to make things right? Nice excuse...

Some people can be so rich while some can't even get to have a meal in a day. I wonder how does it feel like to be in a living hall as big as a restaurant or a golden washroom watching some TV programs on how the African child suffers. Will they have slight guilt of being such a big spender? Perhaps they wont... Rich n poor, I guess its just to balance up the world?

Today, saw a bunch of girls smoking in a restaurant. Was sitting there for less than an hour and they had smoked at least 5 cigarettes each. Basically, my food was being polluted by 4000 types of chemicals including some carcinogens. I am again 1 step closer to getting pulmonary emphysema, lung cancer etc. How about them? Maybe less harm since inhaled sidestream smoke is about four times more toxic than mainstream smoke. Sometimes, I find this fact amusing...

Also, some people just have the luck to excel in everything, getting everything they want. Their timing is just so right that you cannot be jealous. The people they met is right, the timing they do something is right, and even the opportunity they got is so good. Fair? There is always some luck involve, so perhaps fair n square never exist.

I used to know some1 who scored 6As in PMR and know what? She was one of the worst student in the school. Luck helped her in the exam? I guess so... Not because she memorized the right thing, is because she was not caught playing truant. What can the other students who studied hard but still get a worse results say? Nothing. Who can they turn to to ask for fairness?

Perhaps, thinking from other point of view, lacking of fairness motivates people to work harder, so that they can compensate the lack of luck with their efforts. Anyway, just work hard and make sure we can answer to ourselves and those we love. Living a normal life without feeling guilty is actually very satisfying. =p

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I Love You

I love myself and I hate myself at the same time.

I am good at protecting myself -->
make me not telling what is in my mind.

I am good at helping others -->
make others take me for granted and thinks that I do not need help.

I am good at giving others the best of me -->
make me try to be someone who is not me

I am a good listener -->
make me talk less and let others feel bored when with me

Today's Mood: Down and Insecure.

I realized that I really keep too many things to myself
I do not know how to express myself
I do not know how to control my temper
I do not know how to show my love.

I only know how to love with all my heart.
Although I know sometimes its not only about love, also about tolerating, accepting and forgiving etc.

To the dearest people in my life, I Love You, I swear I really do. I might give you a lot of pressure, I might not be the best, but I will try my best to make my presence has its greatest effect in your life.



p/s: This post is dedicated to many people~ ♥

Betrayal and Disguise

I do not understand why some people can still act like nothing happened after they betrayed someone, whether someone they love or someone who is totally not related to them. Won't they feel guilty? Won't they feel like they can't face that person anymore?

Sometimes, when people betrayed someone silently without letting that person know, they still demand for their respect, trying to act as if they sacrifice a lot, as if they are the victim. So what if they did a lot? In the end, they are still a betrayer, and there are people who are being hurt by them, not only the victim, also those who really respected them and cherish them.

Some people are not good at lying and when their lies are almost being revealed, the only thing they know is to get mad, make it looks like others' fault. They do not know that their action is just confirming others' guess. If you are scared of letting people know that you betrayed them, why do that in the first place? You may get what you want in the end, but are you really happy?



And many people always talk about what is being emphasised by their religions, making themselves look so holy, look so pure. Most of them are really just using all these words as their cover. In reality, how many can actually follow? How many can actually do as what they told others? Some can even go to the extend of back-stabbing people, not respecting others even trying to make people look so bad.

Why must everyone be so fake and is being fake, protecting yourself with a shell the only way to survive in this cruel world? I really wonders... Is there anyone we can trust with our lives around us? Like my parents said: "Trust no one except yourselves, not even us...".

Sometimes, its making people suffocate, trying to beware of other people, playing minds, guessing your "opponent" every move. I guess no one can run away from this game when they are born, and the level of disguising ourselves will increase by day, by years and by generation. Perhaps, the one showing the true inner self is destined to be the loser?

P/s: Sorry if I offended anyone here, just personal opinion. Forgive me because I wrote this in a super duper down mood.

Friday, June 4, 2010

☆ Updates ☆

2nd week of Summer holidays~ And I am still doing nothing except going out until my mum give out warning that I cannot go out anymore! N... I finally got 'my' Jay Chou's album. The box is not bad la, quite nice, the Jay's pic in front has a 3D effect, but other than that... Its just a NORMAL METAL BOX. Never mind, spend RM 75 to make my dear sis happy is worth it, I hope? Have not really listen to the songs yet, though it had been in my lap top for almost a week. I kept on forgetting its existence. =P Dinner with Baby and his friends in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. =P I had been there last week and last week's menu was more to western style and this time, Asian cuisine. Salad... Erm... I seldom eat young mango. =P Main course... Lamb was a bit burnt, Chicken was not bad. Dessert... The kuih talam was not cooked or I dunno, feels like cheese of pandan flavour. Haha. Anyway, main thing is get to be with some1. ^^

*poke the bubble cheeks*

Then, I went to this Relay for Life event in Bkt Jalil's Majis Sukan Negara. This event was organised by National Cancer Society and I thought it should be fun... But... Things do not end up as what we expected. Me n Nora reached there at like 5 pm and no1 from PharmNotts was there and we cannot collect out shirts etc. Went to walk around and nothing is ready, except for some performances. I was being really unlucky 'cos I brought my camera, but WITHOUT MEMORY CARD, changed my N97 to a really old phone which can't take nice pics. Fine... Then, It started raining so me n nora was forced to wait under a big umbrella and we ended up in the middle of the field.

Lily they all finally reached and there was a super long queue in front of the washroom. Forced to walk all the way to a food court near Stadium Putra to change. Also realised nothing to eat, so called McD delivery. =P After that, walked on the muddy field, taking photos with LOCAL celebrities and played game to win a lip gloss. =P
But, we ended up leaving the event at around 9.30 because we were all sitting in the training stadium, doing nothing except chatting n cam-whoring. We were supposed to go sing k and watch movie in Sunway Pyramid or MV. But, we do not have enough transport and singing k at that time is seriously expensive. Then Nora came up with this idea which is to stay over in her place~! So... There goes my 1st KTM experience. Haha. Seriously, 1st time using KTM and 1st time using LRT with friends. Luckily we managed to catch the last KTM at 11pm.

Too excited so monkey-ing around in the LRT~ Not many ppl so who cares about losing image! =P

Then, we walked all the way to Empire Gallery to realise that Starbucks is closed, so took cab to AC. Missed Snowflakes, but had a great time chatting n eating there. ^^ Shower and watched movie in Nora's hse. Had a really great time throughout the night and also receiving some super cute and sweet calls from my precious bday boy. =P

Also, went out with Chee Yuen for Snowflakes! Missed twice and finally get to eat. Really not bad. =P Actually, Chee Yuen was committing a crime by bringing me there because he could have got me killed by giving a fever and flu patient a whole big bowl of ice. =P But still worth it~

Caught in the jam and heavy rain near Taylor's... And Mr. Lim, where is your safety belt?

And Mummy finally knows about me n baby. Was supposed to tell her ourselves, but she asked me in a really weird but cute n indirect way, so just admit it. Though got a lot of lectures, most importantly, I am not lying to her anymore. =P Daddy asked also, but I just told him not yet but soon... Luckily he did not really go against. ^^

Baby company me to watch 大日子 Woohoo!... Yes... I just watched it after like almost 4 months?

Went up to Genting and just reached home... Eat eat eat and shop shop shop. Brought back a lot of things. Esp FATS! ><
Cam-whoring with kai mui in room, stayed in Resort Hotel. =P

My all time favourite~ Buffet in Coffee Terrace. Salmon!

Emo-ing? Missing some1?

Weeee, Audrey's Pooh!

I love the dessert but can't really finish. Had a lot of cakes d.

A must do whenever I go Genting~ Movie! Prince of Persia is really not bad~

It was 11 pm when we got back to room and still... Non-stop cam-whoring while resting before going to Starbucks to on9~ Webcam with baby! Miss him...

There is 1 thing I seriously hate about 1st World Hotel. The workers of Ripley's Believe it or Not always try to scare people by dressing into ghost. This is still ok, the creepy part is they will start chasing you when you try to avoid them. This time, one of them chased us into Nike and still wait at the window, staring at us like a real ghost! Screw them!!!! Last time was carrying a bloody head into the lift and put it in front of my little cousin. So not ethical!

Anyway, I am currently watching a new HK drama 谈情说案, Mysteries of Love by Tavia Yeung, Raymond Lam and Kenneth Ma. Raymond Lam is so handsome ar!!! He looks super duper good in his formal attire, plus his genius physics brain and gentleman character! OMG! The drama is actually a HK version of Detective Galileo which is soooooo much nicer than this HK 1. The first few eps is kinda lame la, 'cos crimes are solved so easily and makes the police looks so stupid lo. Some really easy problems also can't solve...