23 days

I am back on my blog once again! Being loved too much and hence have nothing negative to post about here, so I disappeared for quite some time. However, coming back here does not mean I am being emotionally down again. Just suddenly miss blogging.

Throughout my 20 years of life, I've never felt this loved before. I always thought that no one will love me like how my parents did or no one can stand my hot temper. And yet, I found some one who really love me for who I am and I am glad that things are still going on well with him. People might say we are clingy but we love it this way, seeing each other everyday still do not seem enough. But we will really need to get used to not being with each other every moment soon.

Another 23 days until I leave for the UK. Things may be tough for me over there, being alone and constantly missing home and love. I know it will be more tough for my love ones, being in the same place but without me there cooking for them, company them for dramas and talking to them. But I know all of us will be tough and can go through this big challenge. I just hope things will be better when I got back home, with me being more mature and our love can grow even deeper and stronger.

It is time to work hard for my future and my love ones. I will not give up no matter how hard this can be, Promise.

Happy Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year, my favourite festive season of the year! New clothes, new bed sheet, new earrings, new watch (Yes! Got my love!), new furniture and new Semester (I hate this tho)!

Had been taking out my video cam out this CNY... I will not be around for CNY next 2 years. Seriously need something to store my memories. And a disaster for the year. Camera malfunction on the reunion night. WTF! Need to send it for repair. >< Luckily I still have my dear N97, which sometimes will turn me down. But its behaving these few days~ XOXO.

Spent reunion night and first day of CNY with dad's family. Had steamboat as usual, our family tradition. =p Then, another tradition: CLUBBING with COUSINS! Went to @live and it was an awesome night, ignoring some stupid people pushing through the crowds and even using their elbow to defend themselves, hurting others and the cigarette smoke which is always too much for me and I hated it soooo much! If its not of the music and dancing and liquor, I will never go club! =p Anyway, @live is worth going and the live band is amazing. Pretty + Handsome + nice voice+ great dance!

2nd day, had lunch with relatives and played cards with parents, then off to Malacca A'Famosa! I actually got dad to travel all the way down there at 5.30 pm, reaching at 7 and left at 11 plus! Crazy but worth it! Met up with most of my mum's side cousins, had BBQ, "Ngau" and FIREWORKS! Uncle actually lighted the fireworks earlier than his plan for me! *touched*

Anyway, had great memories these 2 days but I cried a few times. Will not be able to celebrate CNY in Msia for 2 years at least. I hate this feeling~ ><

Random #4 你世界里的不孤单是我的寂寞

Maybe you never realize...

Your unlonely made me feel pathetic.

Sarcastically, you was always the one who make me feel unlonely.

Why am I feeling that I am all alone recently?

I hate this. I hate it when I only have a lifeless report to be with me every hour, minute and even second.

I hope I will feel better on the last day of this (lunar calendar) year.

I will. Even without seeing you at all. And facing my report alone. I swear I will.

One and Only

Honestly, I do not know what is wrong with me.

I've been reacting totally differently from how I actually felt. Or is it that I am reacting in a way that I really felt and the feelings I thought I had was just something I forced myself to accept?

Its been months and I thought I can get used to it but every time, I disappoint myself.

I guess what I really need is more moments like this, if I want to fight the distance and stay strong in loneliness. I need to shield my mind from all the negative imaginations.

I was able to cope with loneliness, stay in silence, bury myself in my own love, but not now anymore.

Yes, I do not like to be alone now, and I hate to be left alone but yet, I need to stay strong because in the end, I am still with myself only. In the end, I am still alone handling this miserable life.

No, I am wrong actually, I still have my lovely parents who sometimes will stress my life out but still, they are my best present in life~ They are all I have at this moment, this very stressful moment. Thank you my one and only.

Memories~

Finally, after spending 4-5 months emo-ing, she is finally here. Seriously, I need to control my stress and diet better. (Well, another new year resolution that is a mission impossible?) Maybe it will be possible if EXAM does not exist. ^^

Well, done with my Y2S3 exam, 1st and last paper were okay, the 2nd and 3rd... OMG. 2nd still okay, 3rd paper: MICROBIOLOGY. My long time enemy. Just hoping for the best~ 40 marks shouldn't be a problem, I HOPE.

Went Mont Kiara for me and baby's early monthsary dinner in Porto Romano, thanks to Peng for recommending~ Really a nice place with nice food and atmosphere.

Upstairs of the restaurant, downstairs is more like a bar~ ^^ I love the decorations there, especially the fake fireplace.

Baby's food~ Carbonara with beef bacon (A dish that he will never miss)

My main course~ Salmon Cannelloni

Then last week, dad brought back a few super nice photo frames, I don't know where he got them from. Anyway, mum was busy looking for some old photos and realised... We do not have photos printed out these few years, all are in the laptop. So, mum took my childhood photos instead. It was really sweet looking back at the baby me, and I kept asking myself, is that really me? There is this photo, me and my ah mah (grandma)... Seriously, I miss her so much. Memories with her are memories that I will never want to forget, but I guess I cannot control my brain to store most of them. Just hope these photos will recall my memories.

Me and my grandmother when I was one month old~

And I found this picture too~ When I was 5 I think, at my aunt's wedding with cousin sis~ This girl looks so pretty and does not look like me! How I wish I had that look now. =p

And, I was a bit bored and tired of doing my report just now so went to my friendster page, yeah, that long-gone friendster. LOL! Surprisingly, I still remember my password and shocked to see some friends are still active. Went on to find my precious' page, some of his old photos and he really does not look the same now. Seriously, so different. Then went on to some blogs, and found my precious again. Some photos stabbed my heart but I know deep down, those are over. He's mine now.

Random #3

Just one sentence, I can be drag from sky to hell. It's that powerful. Why must I let my emotions be controlled? Sometimes I wonder if, putting down the strong side is a correct option.

I was just hoping you to tell me what is wrong. You wouldn't know how much I cannot concentrate, how hard I was trying to tell myself its okay, how difficult it had been for me to distract myself.

Finally, the wish comes true and why am I not happy? Maybe its not exactly the wish I made.

Maybe, I should not have expectations and believe in myself in the very start.

And O.M.G... The report is stressing me out! Tables--->Graphs. All the word limits, all the description, summary, conclusion... Someone please save me from all these crap before CNY starts!

Seriously, why do we Pharmacy student need to suffer like this when other people have the time to play around during HOLIDAYS. Yes, a freaking MICROBIOLOGY REPORT during HOLIDAYS!

I wish I could be a baby again, wrapped in my grandmother and parents' arm. There would be so little thing to worry about, so little things to stress you out when you do not know what is stress and worry. You wouldn't love, except your toys which will never ever break your heart. That is why, I still love soft toys. They would not hug you back when you hug them, but at least, they mend your broken heart and will never ever leave you. They are all you have and always there for you when you need someone. Especially on such a night. XOXO, my babies~

The thing that I hate the most

I am totally stressed out. But why do I have time to blog here? Don't ask why, I do not know.

Perhaps, just need to relax my brain.

Too many things to stuff into this small tiny brain, along with all the emo songs, without anyone there for me to lie on and cry.

Need to be strong I guess? But please, can I not be tough?

Well, in the end, I will still need to face all these stresses myself. No one will be there for me forever and always.

I. A.M. S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D

Who to blame?

The person who started the examination system?

The lecturers for delivering so many lectures?

The authors of books for giving so many details?

N.O

I should blame myself for being perfectionist and being so bad in releasing my stress.

I wish...

I was not that perfectionist.

Random #2

The smell of new paint in my house. Weee~ Repainting the house to welcome the new year~! Though only the living hall, my study room and another small living hall upstairs. Kinda like the new colour that I had chosen, thought it was supposed to be coastal beige as in those beach's sand colour but turn out to be a little purplish. Anyway, still special~ ^^

Exam is really stressing me out anyway... Study this lecture today, forget about it the next day. Had been repeating this cycle for many lectures and total input to my brain is only 50% of what I studied. Damn cool. Microbio and Spectroscopy is still waiting for me to touch them. Microbiology is a killer! If I suddenly die one day, Microbiology murders me. *touching the wood*

I am having this problem. I CANNOT FOCUS AT ALL! OMG, its like I finally can concentrate, then... Where am I again? FML. Anyway, hopefully I can make it through this exam, not stressing too much. Daddy says: I still want my daughter. *touched*

Oh well, another thing to stress before this. House in UK. Thanks to my baby, I finally asked someone to look for a house for me! And finally msged some1 to ask is they wanna share. =p I do not know why but I just do not have the courage to send out those messages and mails. Kay, I know why, but please don't ask me why because you all should know if you read my post last year. All those dramas and anti-social thingy. Oops.

Really, who and how will I be if I did not meet you 9 months ago? What if I did not attend the event and be a nerd at home? What if what if what if... Okay, no more what if! I met you and I found you. That is what I know. Not only that, I also know that I Love You. It may not be an anniversary, not a monthsary (whatever you guys like to call it), but its an important date since its a day you walk into my life and it had been 9 months. *phewww, time flies*

P/S: I miss 89 housemates, college friends and CHS friends. Esp after meeting up with Shien, talking to Khee, FB with Joyce, planning gathering with Jye, talking about old days with Peng n Vern, sharing links on FB with housemates. OMG. I miss them! Exam please over soon, I want G.A.T.H.E.R.I.N.G

New Year Resolution

Seriously, am I fated to go through all this shit? Why they cannot be aware of the time and most importantly, the bloody timing?

Why should I care when you don't even care? I wanted to believe so much, but please don't let me down over and over again. I am trying my best to do something about it and why must you ruin the effort? Or is my effort too negligible? If so, I am sorry. That is the only thing I can say. Sorry.

Maybe its just once, just one time the stone hits the glass, but it is enough to shatter the glass which was just mended. Why mend the glass when you want to break it again?

Right, I really should not bother anymore. FML. Oh well, new year resolution: Accept the fact that you must accept. Things ain't perfect. Human ain't perfect. Life ain't perfect. No point chasing for perfection even if you can achieve near perfection.

OK, chill, temper thrown. Let's study happily~! I love you, books! I love you, blog!

Random #1

偶然读到的一篇文章。很准~

其实被很多人所误解，真正的好双子男他的爱是让你幸福到开花的，是那种撼动内心的感动。大多数的双子男都很爱说话，很搞笑（也有些是自以为幽默）开朗，聪 明，快热，易嫉妒，控制欲强，霸道，孩子气。如果能有一个双子男人时而对你撒娇时而自认为很成熟地教育你，如果他走到哪里都会想向你汇报，如果你看到他为 你而哭（他根本不会在人前流泪），玩什么都爱带上你，在朋友面前不吝展现与你的肉麻恩爱，那么请你相信他是爱你的。



我爱的就是这样的你。也很庆幸我遇到的是你。

因为好像只有你才能接受这样的我。



外表温和，偶尔孩子气，内心有狂野的一面，喜欢旅游但也恋家，不算太宅。容易陷入自己的想象世界不能自拔。高度的细腻敏感（对于自己在意的东西），高度的冷漠绝情（对于不入眼的东西），情感强烈而绵长，习惯虐人虐己。对待回忆郑重而感性，无比怀旧。巨蟹女的小女人特质也很强烈，敏感嬗变，有人说巨蟹女工于心计，其实我认为她们的目标愿望都很柔情，就是追寻的过程比较残酷无情。大都显得很柔弱， 激发男人的保护欲，但内心可能清醒坚强。她们的心思是感性的，表达方式可能较理性。大都爱幻想，并且易陷入，同时重现实，因为不安感太过强烈。直觉灵敏准 确，忧患意识较强。排它意识强烈，进不到她的内心就可能被长期排斥，爱憎也较分明。进入她内心了那对你的好是百分百的好,让你觉得她仍然像一个热烈天真的 小女孩，她的感情具有深而广的渗透力和感染力。

Goodbye 2010!

First post of 2011... Review of 2010.

A lot of things actually happened in 2010, its not a year with no downfalls and no peaks.

I had been through a lot of struggling in January and February. Mentally breakdown in March when I thought its the end of the world. Crying through the night, telling myself not to get involved in relationship anymore. Misunderstandings break me down once again, running away to bff's house, knowing I have a bunch of friends supporting me behind me make me stronger.

Getting over it, knowing someone whom I once thought might melt the ice-cold heart again. Perhaps, a good friend and a good bf is different. Things gone cold and there is another intruder to my life. The owl flying into my life walks me through all these; Mr. Great promising me to put the smile on my face everyday. Taking up the VP pose of PharmNotts is another best choice I had made in 2010. Yea, tiring, pressured, stressful, but I enjoy it, seriously.

When someone important come into your life, maybe you need to sacrifice something, having a bunch of close friends leaving me, lost and not knowing who to get along with towards the end of semester. This hits me down once again but this made me realize how much I should cherish my friends who are always with me no matter what I have done, no matter how long I did not meet them.

Then, a hero officially come into my life, holding my hands to pull me up from the falls, healing my pain and giving me faith. It is hard to believe that all these happened in just 2 months, but yes, there is really something that will strike your heart and melt the ice covering your heart with just a touch. It might not be love at first sight but its a kind of fate that you cannot run away from.

June passes fast with a trip to Taiwan, outings with friends and dates with my love. July-- A memorable month of 2010. The first time celebrating birthday with bi, having him plan out everything, giving me Cupido and Cupipi, planning a surprise with my mum and sis and joining me to celebrate birthday with my whole family. Not much present received, but having everyone I love with me is the best present I ever received. Also, knew a lot of new friends through baby, learning the fact that there is really friends who are as close as brothers, sometimes closer. Maybe I will be jealous, but still, happy to see it.

August, spending the whole month working in Cerebos, dealing with microorganisms and coming back with chicken and chicken essence smell. Though boring and lifeless, still enjoyable when you get to do something you like. First time going on trip, even though its just a one day trip with friend, especially boyfriend to Malacca. One of the most memorable experience in the year.

Going on a vacation with my beloved darling Nichelle to Penang. Having her joining my family is the best damn thing in September. Eat, travel and camwhoring is best with her around. Start of a new semester, I am now officially year 2 student. Stressful life when you need to take care of studies, PharmNotts and love. Yea, there is a time when I really cannot get use to it, especially getting to see baby everyday and having less time to study. But really, thankfully, my baby is him, someone who is considerate and patient with all the unreasonable temper that I threw to him, all the tiny problems that I exaggerated and made them look so much worse than it should be.

There is one thing that I must not forget and leave out. My HOUSEMATES! I am totally in love with everyone in 89, TTS4. They are a bunch of awesome friends whom really brightened up my Y2S1 life. I never once wanted to stay back over the weekends because I really enjoy the life with them around, their laughter especially. I really cant stand to remember that I only have 3 more months to spend in the house with them. Gonna miss them so much.

I guess this year is the year that I cooked the most in my 19 years life because there is a pig who is willing to eat the food I cooked. I wonder if he ever knows that preparing any meal for him is a very blissful thing to do, no matter how stressed up I was with my studies. Also, no one appreciated it that much.

Really, I just realized, most of the memories that make my 2010 so happy involved him. Having him joining my relatives during mooncake fest is one of the best thing ever. Because this is the first time I introduce my boyfriend to my relatives, something that I never expect and never thought that my boy is willing and happy to do. Having my parents accepting my relationship, supporting it is also a blessing that I never expected.

Towards the end of the year, I received one of my best Christmas present and 2 unexpected presents which touched my heart. On the last day of 2010, I received 2 wonderful presents which put a beautiful full stop to this year.

Thank you everyone whom made my year a wonderful one. Though it started with sorrow, it ended perfectly. Thank you parents for everything that you have done. Thank you to my sis whom always listen to my complaints. Thank you baby Shaun Lim to walk into my life and make my 2010 a beautiful year, I might seems biased here, but without you, my 2010 ain't perfect and will not be this memorable. Thank you Shien for every piece of advice, without you, I will not be able to move forward. Thank you all my darlings and brothers esp Nich, Lynn, Jye, Jvn Yi, Louis, Chee Yuen for everything you have done. I cannot be naming everyone here since it will take me days to do so, SO THANK YOU! Thank you for being in my life and please continue to be in my life no matter what year it is, my life is great with your presence. It is not complete without you. *big hugz*

Tik Tok

巧合，真的是很玄的事情。有些话，总会在适当的时候传达给你。

刚分手的一对艺人情侣说了：我们都太爱对方，太在意对方，抓得太紧，连一些小事都会吵架，会吃醋，有时候，也许分开了，放松一下，等彼此成熟了，如果有缘分，又对对方有感觉的话，再在一起吧。

真的，太在意对方，太在意还有多少能够黏着对方的日子，太害怕失去，真的会让你更容易失去。

只是，还需要多少的时间才能让自己成熟，由还有多少时间让自己成熟的去到一个有着8个小时时差的地方？

九个月，够吗？

Beginning of week 10

Being selfish, being sensitive, being over-reacting.

Brought myself a terrible start of the week 10.

Well, let's just chill.

Even though, I hate it so much.

Even though I can't stand the silence.

Even though it practically tear everything down.

Week 9

Really, everything just seems like yesterday. I still remember what happened last year around this time. The moments we had and how close we were. Now... The only thing left is just a formal smile and formal greetings. Nothing that happened include me. Things do change really fast huh? It really freaks me out thinking of this. Sometime, I do not even want to believe this is really happening. How I wish someone told me this is just a dream.

But, it is a reality that we must really learn to accept. Sudden lost of contact, lost of closeness... Everything without a reason, no, it is just me not being informed.

Dear, I might be smiling when I see you, talking to you like nothing happened. Do you know how much it is bleeding inside my heart? You will never know if neither of the person whom you treasure most treat you like this. I was proud to have you as a very close friend, having a very happy life, but now... Even wishing you Happy Birthday seems so awkward. Anyway, still, Happy Birthday~

p/s: Our friendship really seems to follow the fate of the present I gave last year.
____________________________________________________________________

I just want to feel appreciated. Not just words... I know, some feelings are not able to be expressed by words. But really, not the way you think it can. Perhaps, I will only feel under appreciated. What I want, is just to see a slight effort to show me that, its also something important for you too. I know you are busy, but... Even a tiny thought is enough.

I just want to know that you care. That's all. Just want you to care for my feelings.

Screwed

I have never been so screwed in my life before. All these effing stresses coming out of no where and suddenly appear in my totally screwed up life.

I never needed so much time before and now I am begging for 14 days in a week and the time please just stop for a moment. I need to finish my Endocrinology case study, make more promotion for the talks and vaccinations, arrange time with friends and private moments for myself!

Seriously going mad thinking about all these and going insane when people around you do not ever understand. Sabotaging my time for my studies for some seriously tiny matter which are so bloody not important should not be something people like them should do.

I am just begging for some space to breathe. Time, could you please just stop?

Seriously, why did I screw my life up so much this time?

If I need to sacrifice something to make things work, I would rather sacrifice myself.

Never ever ask me not to study or bloody hell study less. I am not going to do that.
Never ever in my whole life unless I know I can manage. Do not ask me to go out less with friends because I am going out very much lesser compare to others, going out less meaning NOT to go out at all, I am so not repeating that mistake.

Seriously, just a while for me to breathe in and out, to relax... Would you?

Acne, Jealousy, WHATEVER!

Sleeping less than 5 hours a day is seriously no joke. Pimple start crawling up my forehead, multiplying there and forming colonies there. They are so special that they can only survive in dessert where there is no water supply. The more my skin dehydrate due to staying in freezing cold AC room for long hours and yet not drinking enough of water, the more the grow. They had already attained resistance to my acne cream, cleanser and every single thing I apply on my face to eradicate all of them. OMG, I am seriously worry about my face! Pimple please please go away k? I know you guys wanna let me know I am stress and I need more sleep. I got the message now, just leave me alone k? I Don't Love You!


But seriously, my life had been turning upside down this semester, going all around and not sleeping until 3 am. Earliest time I slept since the Sem starts is 2 am, and that's when I am in m house in Subang. LMAO. The library used to be my second home but now, there is no more second home for me~ If I am forced to say 1, I would say SA - Mr. Gerard's office, counseling department... Anyway, need to experience some crazy uni life here. ^^

Had been getting lectures from parents which really made me stressed out. I just hope they could be a bit more supportive, not sarcastic. Well, hope I can prove to them that what they think about my lifestyle are so wrong. ^^


Realised something...

Jealousy rises when you can't achieve the exact same thing like what others did.

And yes, this is such a common sense. But who will actually admit that:

He/She can but I cannot. He/She is good.

And how many people know the answer to this question:

Does it help you to attain that something, by just jealousy?

There are many answers to this question though. 1 might say yes, other might say no. Actually its yes and no. =p

If it became a motivation for you to go from good to better, just like what others achieved, then its a healthy jealousy.

If it makes you think of how to make that someone fall without improving yourself, then... Fool, you are wasting your time!



Another thing is, sometimes, jealousy in a relationship does not mean you do not trust your another half, its just you do not trust yourself that you can actually be as good as the person you are jealous of. In other way, you actually admire your competitor.

But seriously, if the person really love you, he should love you for who you are. Why worry that the some1 he is close with will take him away? If that really happens, meaning, he is not worth your love and your competitor is not really that great for you to be jealous of her.

Last question:

Is it better to live an imperfect lifestyle than to imitate others' lifestyle perfectly?

Confession of A Princess

I know sometimes I always jump into some worst case scenario, thinking that letting go/giving up is the best solution for the current situation. I can never scratch that silly thought out of my mind in the past, but things are really different this time.

There are so many things to remind me how important you are. There are just too many memories that will make me smile to myself when I am flashing back.

I know things will work out through sharing, just like it always does. Walking through all these together, being honest to each other and understanding everything that either one is going through, all the feelings, be it positive or negative.

Listening to your voice is the best cure to the relapse of my phobia. I just hope we can make it through this time without getting into any fight, like how we go through our problems in the last 4 months. Smile is the thing that we brought to each other, I hope we won't lose it, and not having a smile when we go to sleep is so not in our dictionary.

Maybe, you will be asking, why post something so personal? Yea, it is personal, but can serve as a reminder to many people reading this post that, there is still one more thing before jumping into any conclusion or making any heartbreaking decision, ie:

SHARE

Perfection

Being a perfectionist just screw my life up.

Ya, maybe many things I have done came to a very nice end because of my pursue for perfection. I always do my very best to achieve the best outcome I can ever get. I can do anything just for it, deteriorating my health, sacrificing my outings or even going around begging for help. I never regret for being a perfectionist when it comes to things that involve me and only me. There are no worries that people might not be comfortable with my own principle, my own thoughts and my own way of dealing with things.

The perfectionism in me freaked me out when I am not the only one in the whole picture.

When people might only expect 70% from the project we are working on, I might be aiming for a 99%. There comes the great conflict. I will be working much more than the others, perhaps in the process let other thought that I am just trying to show off, and in the end stressing myself up, leaving myself thinking 'Why am I so worn out because of this which I do not gain any benefit or when others are doing much lesser?'. There is only one answer: Perfectionist. Sometimes, it really hurts a lot when others do not understand that you are just trying to get the best out of things we are doing, and thinks that its a way to humiliate them, telling them how good I am. But seriously, for those who have this thought in your mind, screw it please. I am just being a freak, hoping everything is done nicely, even if I am not gaining anything from it. I am just trying to carry out my responsibility in the best manner.

Intruding others' life, changing them from who they are to what I want them to be is such a normal thing for me to do. I mean normal, not easy. Seeing cousins neglecting the studies for games, dramas, or whatsoever make me scold them, make me trying to control their time management. This is really none of my business, not like their parents are not there to do that. Its just the thought that they must be like me, try my best to excel in studies, even if fail, at least try. I forgot that not everyone can be as perfectionist as me.

I can't help but to nag when seeing friends risking their health with cigarettes, weeds, alcohol or any kind of drugs coming into their life. I know those people who got words from me might feel really annoyed, thinking: 'Why the hell are you giving me lectures? Who are you?'. I totally understand but sorry, a perfectionist is not only looking for perfection in her life, but also people who are close to her. I will not give a damn to your life if you are just some hi-bye friend in my life. If you mean nothing to me, then the way you ruin your life will not affect the perfectibility of my life. I sound selfish huh? But too bad, I am selfish. I want my life to be as perfect as possible and I do not want you to leave my life. So I chose to introduce some good changes in your life, hopefully in a manner that both feel comfortable. A perfectionist cannot risk losing a friend in her life, more importantly, cannot risk having a friend losing his life. So, I might hate myself for being a perfectionist, giving you and myself burden, screwing up my friendships with people but in other way, I am glad that I am a perfectionist.

It is just that,

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you cannot stand to see his or her life change too much, to the extent that they will lose themselves when you left their life.

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you want to respect his or her choice and rather choose to hurt yourself, sacrificing your perfectionism.


But hey, people cannot be perfect, weigh the flaws yourself.


爱你，离开你。。。 静静的聆听，你幸福的回音。 A sad but nice song. Recent new love =p

被约束的自由

旅行回来，发现到一件事，也可以说真正领悟到。。。 原来有时候离开可以让人忘记一些问题，忘记一些烦恼，但是却始终逃不了，避不了，该面对的，始终该面对。

理由，可以让人逃避现实，但又能维持多久呢？同样的情况再度出现时，还能怎样呢？难道每一次都用同一个理由？就算那个理由是事实，也不能让别人一直迁就自己吧！不断的妥协，让全部人都难受，很好吗？

只是真的不明白，有些人就是不肯承认是自己在搞鬼，是自己不愿意让步，却还要赖在别人身上。说给一直被困在笼子里的鸟儿自由，却只是给它换一个大一点的笼子；说要放手了，却换另一条长一点的绳子绑住风筝，有分别吗？

Face the truth dear... You will not be given the freedom that you deserve at your age, for you are the only child. Sometimes, I ask myself... Why you are asked to live your own life like an adult when you are still being treated like a kid where you are being restricted to do things that people at your age had done long ago and those are activities that wont harm your life.

I guess lacking freedom made me hurt many people, broke a lot of promises... There is nothing I can do, no matter how hard I try to persuade, how hard I try to prove myself... I am just sorry.

也许，在我还没能主宰自己的人生前，我不应该走进别人的世界里吧。。。Especially when I know that the main problem is I do not social enough, not because I isolated myself, is because my so called freedom restricted me from that.

Even a simple camp, simple vacation with friends or a simple trip without them, is not something I can do when I am already in University. Perhaps, I shall really hope less, asked less or even stop enjoying the freedom I have now.

I Love You

I love myself and I hate myself at the same time.

I am good at protecting myself -->
make me not telling what is in my mind.

I am good at helping others -->
make others take me for granted and thinks that I do not need help.

I am good at giving others the best of me -->
make me try to be someone who is not me

I am a good listener -->
make me talk less and let others feel bored when with me

Today's Mood: Down and Insecure.

I realized that I really keep too many things to myself
I do not know how to express myself
I do not know how to control my temper
I do not know how to show my love.

I only know how to love with all my heart.
Although I know sometimes its not only about love, also about tolerating, accepting and forgiving etc.

To the dearest people in my life, I Love You, I swear I really do. I might give you a lot of pressure, I might not be the best, but I will try my best to make my presence has its greatest effect in your life.



p/s: This post is dedicated to many people~ ♥