So, I guess it's the end. Sophia is now officially single again, and not in a relationship with mun hon.
At first, I really thought that it was a waste, for we had been having feelings for each other since form 4, perhaps form 3, who knows? 4 yrs is not a short time, neither is 1 yr. We wasted 3 yrs waiting for each other and been together for 1 yr 1 month and 3 days. LOL.
Really, it was sweet when I was with him. I still remember the first date on Valentine's day, remember how shy he was when he did not dare to hold my hands, remember our first quarrel on that day too. Although we always need to lie to my parents and dated secretly, we really had spend a lot of quality time together. The first time he hold my hands, first kiss on my forehead and the first kiss on his lips, I will never forget how, where and when.
Fate was quite harsh on us. Dating one month once had already been a habit. (and so, taking photos had been the thing that I won't forget to do.) My mum was kinda against this relationship and my dad did not know. Our relationship had been through a lot of other obstacles too. Fortunately, we managed to get over them.
Breaking up and reconciling had also been something that our friends got used to. I just could not bear to let him leave my life even if I was the one who dumped him. LOL. He was my everything, I will turn to him when I was down, sharing all my problems with him, waking him up in the morning, calling him before sleep, manja-ing with him whenever possible. I love to hear him calling me dear, lao po, bao bei or piggy...
But I guess everything needs to end when things went really wrong.
I do not know what exactly is the trigger point but I guess things gone from bad to worse since the day I felt guilty. Also, after my dad knew about his existence, my dad wanted to meet him. I was being impatient and he was refusing to meet my parents. So, relationship got into trouble by having cold wars frequently early this year. We could quarrel over some tiny matters and not talking to each other had been a daily routine.
We both had wrongs. I tend to compare him with other people which made me really frustrated and tired and desperate. Seeing cousins coming back with bgfs really made me anxious to intro him to my family members. Relatives had also been urging me to bring him home and meet them. When he refused, things really got heated up. Perhaps, it was my fault to make things progress too fast.
Me too, becoming a really normal and demanding girl, had always hoping to receive a Vday present from him which he did not give. I started to become disappointed and thought of him as very not caring and do not understand me. I told him, told him that a card is sufficient. Maybe he did prepared, maybe he did not, who knows? At least I won't know now.
I go to this decision when I realized that his love for me had been different. He used to think that dating me is important and he will go for any dates that I planned. However, since the time he rejected our one month once date, for some really 'cool' reasons (I do not want to say what but some should know), I became really suspicious.
Perhaps KC was right, girls really have good instinct, they can know if the guy still loves them. And now I know, he does not love me as much, neither do I. I can end our phone calls just to chat with friends, and he can refused to chat with me just to play games. I guess, this is really some significant thing to determine if we should continue.
I really like what Jvn Yi told me and was kinda touched 'cos he know me quite well. He said," Sophia, you are very tough but it is just your cover. You will need a guy who is tougher and stronger than you for you to show the real soft side of yours.". Ya, I used to show my soft side when I was with him, but that was when we were in Form 4 and when we first started our relationship. I tend to put up my strong side when I feels that the 1 I was relying on becomes weaker. When you need to make most of the decisions, including breaking up, you can never be the real soft you.
2 persons with 2 totally opposite principle of life (ie. Have enough fun before start working and work and earn enough before start having fun) should not be forced to be together in the first place. Maybe if you thought that you could change your some1, or hoping that some1 will become more matured and less playful for you, I guess, you better do not start a relationship. Some guys will really change if that is what they wanted and they need some motivations from you; some guys will never change no matter how much you gave him. I had been too much of a savior and now, I will live my life for myself.
I will not turn back this time, yea, all my darlings and friends, I will not. Nichelle, remember the 3 times thingy I told you? I used the last chance to reconcile last time, so this time, it's really over. Unless, he turns into some1 I do not know in years, into some1 that I am looking for, whom I will treat as a different person. However, until then, I will not regret on my choice, 'cos I know I made myself the best choice. I will cry, I will miss you, I will still think of the moments together, but it will stop when the mark made by the ring totally disappear. Bye, my first love~ ^^ And who knows? I might meet my Mr. Right soon, maybe soon, maybe when I go UK, maybe when I work. I believe in fate~ So just follow the flow.