旅行回来，发现到一件事，也可以说真正领悟到。。。 原来有时候离开可以让人忘记一些问题，忘记一些烦恼，但是却始终逃不了，避不了，该面对的，始终该面对。
理由，可以让人逃避现实，但又能维持多久呢？同样的情况再度出现时，还能怎样呢？难道每一次都用同一个理由？就算那个理由是事实，也不能让别人一直迁就自己吧！不断的妥协，让全部人都难受，很好吗？
只是真的不明白，有些人就是不肯承认是自己在搞鬼，是自己不愿意让步，却还要赖在别人身上。说给一直被困在笼子里的鸟儿自由，却只是给它换一个大一点的笼子；说要放手了，却换另一条长一点的绳子绑住风筝，有分别吗？
Face the truth dear... You will not be given the freedom that you deserve at your age, for you are the only child. Sometimes, I ask myself... Why you are asked to live your own life like an adult when you are still being treated like a kid where you are being restricted to do things that people at your age had done long ago and those are activities that wont harm your life.
I guess lacking freedom made me hurt many people, broke a lot of promises... There is nothing I can do, no matter how hard I try to persuade, how hard I try to prove myself... I am just sorry.
也许，在我还没能主宰自己的人生前，我不应该走进别人的世界里吧。。。Especially when I know that the main problem is I do not social enough, not because I isolated myself, is because my so called freedom restricted me from that.
Even a simple camp, simple vacation with friends or a simple trip without them, is not something I can do when I am already in University. Perhaps, I shall really hope less, asked less or even stop enjoying the freedom I have now.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Rotting in progress...
OMG~! I am rotting at home! Well, actually no... Basically, I have something to do everyday.
Had been going to Fitness First for 3 days. The Fitness First Platinum in Empire is cool cos they have a real nice swimming pool. Not to say very big, but just nice. =p However, I did not lose weight, in fact, I gained weight~! Running on treadmill for half an hour after a heavy meal just burn away less than 10% of the calories. Swimming another 5% perhaps? Abdominal crunch machine is nice though, hope I can have 1 at home! ^^ Also, went to this body jam class. Everything was so fast, cha cha to mambo to salsa to samba then basic steps etc... I cannot follow!!! Confused all the steps but its still tiring! =p Free membership is until 22nd and I guess I do not have the chance to go anymore.
And guess what, Nich darl is back! So do most of the A-Levels UK gang!!! Luckily I managed to meet Nichelle on 18th after I got my bloody results which really sux... ><>< Come to my house and play with my make up set! N sleepover... Miss those days...
Know what we are doing? We are comparing asses... ^^
Hug hug from Darling after 9 months!
Love you Nich! Muax~!
Yea... Results is out. I could have done better. B07 and A08. I wonder why I can lose so many marks, though kinda expected I will lose a lot of marks. WTH i am talking? Yayaya, as in, I do not expect that many marks... Expected slightly less. Stupid mistake done in B07! The most annoying part is: A lecturer deducting marks from your assignments for exceeding word counts when he told you it is ok to exceed the word count! And that you had confirmed with him for 3 times! Also when the marks you were supposed to get and you are getting are on 2 extremities! If I failed that module, I would have destroy his whole office, sue him, make him lose his job, complain to UK Nott, make it on press! K, joking... I do not have that power la... Though I have the rights. =p N I suddenly feel that Mr. Wong is much better... ^^
It's going to be a weight gaining week for me starting today! Umaiyah Jap buffet Lunch today to celebrate Father's Day and family dinner for all the fathers in my family... And... TAIWAN TRIP! Yes!!! Arranged all the schedule by looking for directions to places on google maps~ However, food is not the most important thing here... The most important is... SHOPPING! OMG, i have so many things to buy... Boots, bag, purse, dresses, shirts, skirts, shorts etc. How I wish my luggage weight limit were 100 kg and no limited budget by dad. ><
And, I started watching football... I do not know why and Even my mum wonders why. LOL! Did not watch all the matched cos Stadium Astro is no where in sight in my house. >< Germany, Spain and England... I do not know what happen to them, maybe they were under pressure knowing I was watching them? Higuain was overwhelmed knowing me supporting him and hence, scoring 3 goals in the match? Pudolski knows I do not like him as much as Higuain, Messi and Torres so he could not perform well cos unable to focus? *fantasy-ing*wake up from dream* Wonders who will enter semi, finals and become champion... Have high hopes on Spain though. But... K, I am not really a great fans of whichever country, so just watch! But gonna miss a lot of matches! Nvm, it's worth it~
Had been going to Fitness First for 3 days. The Fitness First Platinum in Empire is cool cos they have a real nice swimming pool. Not to say very big, but just nice. =p However, I did not lose weight, in fact, I gained weight~! Running on treadmill for half an hour after a heavy meal just burn away less than 10% of the calories. Swimming another 5% perhaps? Abdominal crunch machine is nice though, hope I can have 1 at home! ^^ Also, went to this body jam class. Everything was so fast, cha cha to mambo to salsa to samba then basic steps etc... I cannot follow!!! Confused all the steps but its still tiring! =p Free membership is until 22nd and I guess I do not have the chance to go anymore.
And guess what, Nich darl is back! So do most of the A-Levels UK gang!!! Luckily I managed to meet Nichelle on 18th after I got my bloody results which really sux... ><>< Come to my house and play with my make up set! N sleepover... Miss those days...
Know what we are doing? We are comparing asses... ^^
Hug hug from Darling after 9 months!
Love you Nich! Muax~!It's going to be a weight gaining week for me starting today! Umaiyah Jap buffet Lunch today to celebrate Father's Day and family dinner for all the fathers in my family... And... TAIWAN TRIP! Yes!!! Arranged all the schedule by looking for directions to places on google maps~ However, food is not the most important thing here... The most important is... SHOPPING! OMG, i have so many things to buy... Boots, bag, purse, dresses, shirts, skirts, shorts etc. How I wish my luggage weight limit were 100 kg and no limited budget by dad. ><
And, I started watching football... I do not know why and Even my mum wonders why. LOL! Did not watch all the matched cos Stadium Astro is no where in sight in my house. >< Germany, Spain and England... I do not know what happen to them, maybe they were under pressure knowing I was watching them? Higuain was overwhelmed knowing me supporting him and hence, scoring 3 goals in the match? Pudolski knows I do not like him as much as Higuain, Messi and Torres so he could not perform well cos unable to focus? *fantasy-ing*wake up from dream* Wonders who will enter semi, finals and become champion... Have high hopes on Spain though. But... K, I am not really a great fans of whichever country, so just watch! But gonna miss a lot of matches! Nvm, it's worth it~
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Fair?
This world is never fair...
People always say that good people will be rewarded after doing a good deed while those who committed crimes will be punished. I guess this is just another piece of crap? If it is true, why are we looking at all those unsolved cases which we can actually tell the truth with slight common sense? Why are we looking at some 'suspects' who can still be working after being reported? Evidence was insufficient? Or perhaps just disappeared suddenly like wind? Or because the victims are not important enough?
Sometimes, innocent people need to bear the consequences of the mistake done by other people, who might be totally unrelated to them. Those people who made mistake experience no harm, no pain and might not even know what they had done. Perhaps, even if they know, sometimes, sorry is the only word they can say. The rest of the things, just leave it to the innocent people. They will have ways to make things right? Nice excuse...
Some people can be so rich while some can't even get to have a meal in a day. I wonder how does it feel like to be in a living hall as big as a restaurant or a golden washroom watching some TV programs on how the African child suffers. Will they have slight guilt of being such a big spender? Perhaps they wont... Rich n poor, I guess its just to balance up the world?
Today, saw a bunch of girls smoking in a restaurant. Was sitting there for less than an hour and they had smoked at least 5 cigarettes each. Basically, my food was being polluted by 4000 types of chemicals including some carcinogens. I am again 1 step closer to getting pulmonary emphysema, lung cancer etc. How about them? Maybe less harm since inhaled sidestream smoke is about four times more toxic than mainstream smoke. Sometimes, I find this fact amusing...
Also, some people just have the luck to excel in everything, getting everything they want. Their timing is just so right that you cannot be jealous. The people they met is right, the timing they do something is right, and even the opportunity they got is so good. Fair? There is always some luck involve, so perhaps fair n square never exist.
I used to know some1 who scored 6As in PMR and know what? She was one of the worst student in the school. Luck helped her in the exam? I guess so... Not because she memorized the right thing, is because she was not caught playing truant. What can the other students who studied hard but still get a worse results say? Nothing. Who can they turn to to ask for fairness?
Perhaps, thinking from other point of view, lacking of fairness motivates people to work harder, so that they can compensate the lack of luck with their efforts. Anyway, just work hard and make sure we can answer to ourselves and those we love. Living a normal life without feeling guilty is actually very satisfying. =p
People always say that good people will be rewarded after doing a good deed while those who committed crimes will be punished. I guess this is just another piece of crap? If it is true, why are we looking at all those unsolved cases which we can actually tell the truth with slight common sense? Why are we looking at some 'suspects' who can still be working after being reported? Evidence was insufficient? Or perhaps just disappeared suddenly like wind? Or because the victims are not important enough?
Sometimes, innocent people need to bear the consequences of the mistake done by other people, who might be totally unrelated to them. Those people who made mistake experience no harm, no pain and might not even know what they had done. Perhaps, even if they know, sometimes, sorry is the only word they can say. The rest of the things, just leave it to the innocent people. They will have ways to make things right? Nice excuse...
Some people can be so rich while some can't even get to have a meal in a day. I wonder how does it feel like to be in a living hall as big as a restaurant or a golden washroom watching some TV programs on how the African child suffers. Will they have slight guilt of being such a big spender? Perhaps they wont... Rich n poor, I guess its just to balance up the world?
Today, saw a bunch of girls smoking in a restaurant. Was sitting there for less than an hour and they had smoked at least 5 cigarettes each. Basically, my food was being polluted by 4000 types of chemicals including some carcinogens. I am again 1 step closer to getting pulmonary emphysema, lung cancer etc. How about them? Maybe less harm since inhaled sidestream smoke is about four times more toxic than mainstream smoke. Sometimes, I find this fact amusing...
Also, some people just have the luck to excel in everything, getting everything they want. Their timing is just so right that you cannot be jealous. The people they met is right, the timing they do something is right, and even the opportunity they got is so good. Fair? There is always some luck involve, so perhaps fair n square never exist.
I used to know some1 who scored 6As in PMR and know what? She was one of the worst student in the school. Luck helped her in the exam? I guess so... Not because she memorized the right thing, is because she was not caught playing truant. What can the other students who studied hard but still get a worse results say? Nothing. Who can they turn to to ask for fairness?
Perhaps, thinking from other point of view, lacking of fairness motivates people to work harder, so that they can compensate the lack of luck with their efforts. Anyway, just work hard and make sure we can answer to ourselves and those we love. Living a normal life without feeling guilty is actually very satisfying. =p
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I Love You
I love myself and I hate myself at the same time.
I am good at protecting myself -->
make me not telling what is in my mind.
I am good at helping others -->
make others take me for granted and thinks that I do not need help.
I am good at giving others the best of me -->
make me try to be someone who is not me
I am a good listener -->
make me talk less and let others feel bored when with me
Today's Mood: Down and Insecure.
I realized that I really keep too many things to myself
I do not know how to express myself
I do not know how to control my temper
I do not know how to show my love.
I only know how to love with all my heart.
Although I know sometimes its not only about love, also about tolerating, accepting and forgiving etc.
To the dearest people in my life, I Love You, I swear I really do. I might give you a lot of pressure, I might not be the best, but I will try my best to make my presence has its greatest effect in your life.
p/s: This post is dedicated to many people~ ♥
I am good at protecting myself -->
make me not telling what is in my mind.
I am good at helping others -->
make others take me for granted and thinks that I do not need help.
I am good at giving others the best of me -->
make me try to be someone who is not me
I am a good listener -->
make me talk less and let others feel bored when with me
Today's Mood: Down and Insecure.
I realized that I really keep too many things to myself
I do not know how to express myself
I do not know how to control my temper
I do not know how to show my love.
I only know how to love with all my heart.
Although I know sometimes its not only about love, also about tolerating, accepting and forgiving etc.
To the dearest people in my life, I Love You, I swear I really do. I might give you a lot of pressure, I might not be the best, but I will try my best to make my presence has its greatest effect in your life.
p/s: This post is dedicated to many people~ ♥
Betrayal and Disguise
I do not understand why some people can still act like nothing happened after they betrayed someone, whether someone they love or someone who is totally not related to them. Won't they feel guilty? Won't they feel like they can't face that person anymore?
Sometimes, when people betrayed someone silently without letting that person know, they still demand for their respect, trying to act as if they sacrifice a lot, as if they are the victim. So what if they did a lot? In the end, they are still a betrayer, and there are people who are being hurt by them, not only the victim, also those who really respected them and cherish them.
Some people are not good at lying and when their lies are almost being revealed, the only thing they know is to get mad, make it looks like others' fault. They do not know that their action is just confirming others' guess. If you are scared of letting people know that you betrayed them, why do that in the first place? You may get what you want in the end, but are you really happy?
And many people always talk about what is being emphasised by their religions, making themselves look so holy, look so pure. Most of them are really just using all these words as their cover. In reality, how many can actually follow? How many can actually do as what they told others? Some can even go to the extend of back-stabbing people, not respecting others even trying to make people look so bad.
Why must everyone be so fake and is being fake, protecting yourself with a shell the only way to survive in this cruel world? I really wonders... Is there anyone we can trust with our lives around us? Like my parents said: "Trust no one except yourselves, not even us...".
Sometimes, its making people suffocate, trying to beware of other people, playing minds, guessing your "opponent" every move. I guess no one can run away from this game when they are born, and the level of disguising ourselves will increase by day, by years and by generation. Perhaps, the one showing the true inner self is destined to be the loser?
P/s: Sorry if I offended anyone here, just personal opinion. Forgive me because I wrote this in a super duper down mood.
Sometimes, when people betrayed someone silently without letting that person know, they still demand for their respect, trying to act as if they sacrifice a lot, as if they are the victim. So what if they did a lot? In the end, they are still a betrayer, and there are people who are being hurt by them, not only the victim, also those who really respected them and cherish them.
Some people are not good at lying and when their lies are almost being revealed, the only thing they know is to get mad, make it looks like others' fault. They do not know that their action is just confirming others' guess. If you are scared of letting people know that you betrayed them, why do that in the first place? You may get what you want in the end, but are you really happy?
And many people always talk about what is being emphasised by their religions, making themselves look so holy, look so pure. Most of them are really just using all these words as their cover. In reality, how many can actually follow? How many can actually do as what they told others? Some can even go to the extend of back-stabbing people, not respecting others even trying to make people look so bad.
Why must everyone be so fake and is being fake, protecting yourself with a shell the only way to survive in this cruel world? I really wonders... Is there anyone we can trust with our lives around us? Like my parents said: "Trust no one except yourselves, not even us...".
Sometimes, its making people suffocate, trying to beware of other people, playing minds, guessing your "opponent" every move. I guess no one can run away from this game when they are born, and the level of disguising ourselves will increase by day, by years and by generation. Perhaps, the one showing the true inner self is destined to be the loser?
P/s: Sorry if I offended anyone here, just personal opinion. Forgive me because I wrote this in a super duper down mood.
Friday, June 4, 2010
☆ Updates ☆
2nd week of Summer holidays~ And I am still doing nothing except going out until my mum give out warning that I cannot go out anymore! 
N... I finally got 'my' Jay Chou's album. The box is not bad la, quite nice, the Jay's pic in front has a 3D effect, but other than that... Its just a NORMAL METAL BOX. Never mind, spend RM 75 to make my dear sis happy is worth it, I hope? Have not really listen to the songs yet, though it had been in my lap top for almost a week. I kept on forgetting its existence. =P 
Dinner with Baby and his friends in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. =P I had been there last week and last week's menu was more to western style and this time, Asian cuisine. Salad... Erm... I seldom eat young mango. =P Main course... Lamb was a bit burnt, Chicken was not bad. Dessert... The kuih talam was not cooked or I dunno, feels like cheese of pandan flavour. Haha. Anyway, main thing is get to be with some1. ^^
*poke the bubble cheeks*
But, we ended up leaving the event at around 9.30 because we were all sitting in the training stadium, doing nothing except chatting n cam-whoring. We were supposed to go sing k and watch movie in Sunway Pyramid or MV. But, we do not have enough transport and singing k at that time is seriously expensive. Then Nora came up with this idea which is to stay over in her place~! So... There goes my 1st KTM experience. Haha. Seriously, 1st time using KTM and 1st time using LRT with friends. Luckily we managed to catch the last KTM at 11pm.
Too excited so monkey-ing around in the LRT~ Not many ppl so who cares about losing image! =P
Then, we walked all the way to Empire Gallery to realise that Starbucks is closed, so took cab to AC. Missed Snowflakes, but had a great time chatting n eating there. ^^ Shower and watched movie in Nora's hse. Had a really great time throughout the night and also receiving some super cute and sweet calls from my precious bday boy. =P
Also, went out with Chee Yuen for Snowflakes! Missed twice and finally get to eat. Really not bad. =P Actually, Chee Yuen was committing a crime by bringing me there because he could have got me killed by giving a fever and flu patient a whole big bowl of ice. =P But still worth it~
Caught in the jam and heavy rain near Taylor's... And Mr. Lim, where is your safety belt?
And Mummy finally knows about me n baby. Was supposed to tell her ourselves, but she asked me in a really weird but cute n indirect way, so just admit it. Though got a lot of lectures, most importantly, I am not lying to her anymore. =P Daddy asked also, but I just told him not yet but soon... Luckily he did not really go against. ^^
Baby company me to watch 大日子 Woohoo!... Yes... I just watched it after like almost 4 months?
Cam-whoring with kai mui in room, stayed in Resort Hotel. =P
My all time favourite~ Buffet in Coffee Terrace. Salmon!
Emo-ing? Missing some1?
Weeee, Audrey's Pooh!
I love the dessert but can't really finish. Had a lot of cakes d.
A must do whenever I go Genting~ Movie! Prince of Persia is really not bad~
It was 11 pm when we got back to room and still... Non-stop cam-whoring while resting before going to Starbucks to on9~ Webcam with baby! Miss him...
There is 1 thing I seriously hate about 1st World Hotel. The workers of Ripley's Believe it or Not always try to scare people by dressing into ghost. This is still ok, the creepy part is they will start chasing you when you try to avoid them. This time, one of them chased us into Nike and still wait at the window, staring at us like a real ghost! Screw them!!!! Last time was carrying a bloody head into the lift and put it in front of my little cousin. So not ethical!
Anyway, I am currently watching a new HK drama 谈情说案, Mysteries of Love by Tavia Yeung, Raymond Lam and Kenneth Ma. Raymond Lam is so handsome ar!!! He looks super duper good in his formal attire, plus his genius physics brain and gentleman character! OMG! The drama is actually a HK version of Detective Galileo which is soooooo much nicer than this HK 1. The first few eps is kinda lame la, 'cos crimes are solved so easily and makes the police looks so stupid lo. Some really easy problems also can't solve...
N... I finally got 'my' Jay Chou's album. The box is not bad la, quite nice, the Jay's pic in front has a 3D effect, but other than that... Its just a NORMAL METAL BOX. Never mind, spend RM 75 to make my dear sis happy is worth it, I hope? Have not really listen to the songs yet, though it had been in my lap top for almost a week. I kept on forgetting its existence. =P 
Dinner with Baby and his friends in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. =P I had been there last week and last week's menu was more to western style and this time, Asian cuisine. Salad... Erm... I seldom eat young mango. =P Main course... Lamb was a bit burnt, Chicken was not bad. Dessert... The kuih talam was not cooked or I dunno, feels like cheese of pandan flavour. Haha. Anyway, main thing is get to be with some1. ^^
*poke the bubble cheeks*
Then, I went to this Relay for Life event in Bkt Jalil's Majis Sukan Negara. This event was organised by National Cancer Society and I thought it should be fun... But... Things do not end up as what we expected. Me n Nora reached there at like 5 pm and no1 from PharmNotts was there and we cannot collect out shirts etc. Went to walk around and nothing is ready, except for some performances. I was being really unlucky 'cos I brought my camera, but WITHOUT MEMORY CARD, changed my N97 to a really old phone which can't take nice pics. Fine... Then, It started raining so me n nora was forced to wait under a big umbrella and we ended up in the middle of the field.
Lily they all finally reached and there was a super long queue in front of the washroom. Forced to walk all the way to a food court near Stadium Putra to change. Also realised nothing to eat, so called McD delivery. =P After that, walked on the muddy field, taking photos with LOCAL celebrities and played game to win a lip gloss. =P
Lily they all finally reached and there was a super long queue in front of the washroom. Forced to walk all the way to a food court near Stadium Putra to change. Also realised nothing to eat, so called McD delivery. =P After that, walked on the muddy field, taking photos with LOCAL celebrities and played game to win a lip gloss. =P
But, we ended up leaving the event at around 9.30 because we were all sitting in the training stadium, doing nothing except chatting n cam-whoring. We were supposed to go sing k and watch movie in Sunway Pyramid or MV. But, we do not have enough transport and singing k at that time is seriously expensive. Then Nora came up with this idea which is to stay over in her place~! So... There goes my 1st KTM experience. Haha. Seriously, 1st time using KTM and 1st time using LRT with friends. Luckily we managed to catch the last KTM at 11pm.
Too excited so monkey-ing around in the LRT~ Not many ppl so who cares about losing image! =P
Then, we walked all the way to Empire Gallery to realise that Starbucks is closed, so took cab to AC. Missed Snowflakes, but had a great time chatting n eating there. ^^ Shower and watched movie in Nora's hse. Had a really great time throughout the night and also receiving some super cute and sweet calls from my precious bday boy. =P
Also, went out with Chee Yuen for Snowflakes! Missed twice and finally get to eat. Really not bad. =P Actually, Chee Yuen was committing a crime by bringing me there because he could have got me killed by giving a fever and flu patient a whole big bowl of ice. =P But still worth it~
Caught in the jam and heavy rain near Taylor's... And Mr. Lim, where is your safety belt?
And Mummy finally knows about me n baby. Was supposed to tell her ourselves, but she asked me in a really weird but cute n indirect way, so just admit it. Though got a lot of lectures, most importantly, I am not lying to her anymore. =P Daddy asked also, but I just told him not yet but soon... Luckily he did not really go against. ^^
Baby company me to watch 大日子 Woohoo!... Yes... I just watched it after like almost 4 months?
Went up to Genting and just reached home... Eat eat eat and shop shop shop. Brought back a lot of things. Esp FATS! ><
Cam-whoring with kai mui in room, stayed in Resort Hotel. =P
My all time favourite~ Buffet in Coffee Terrace. Salmon!
Emo-ing? Missing some1?
Weeee, Audrey's Pooh!
I love the dessert but can't really finish. Had a lot of cakes d.
A must do whenever I go Genting~ Movie! Prince of Persia is really not bad~
It was 11 pm when we got back to room and still... Non-stop cam-whoring while resting before going to Starbucks to on9~ Webcam with baby! Miss him...
There is 1 thing I seriously hate about 1st World Hotel. The workers of Ripley's Believe it or Not always try to scare people by dressing into ghost. This is still ok, the creepy part is they will start chasing you when you try to avoid them. This time, one of them chased us into Nike and still wait at the window, staring at us like a real ghost! Screw them!!!! Last time was carrying a bloody head into the lift and put it in front of my little cousin. So not ethical!
Anyway, I am currently watching a new HK drama 谈情说案, Mysteries of Love by Tavia Yeung, Raymond Lam and Kenneth Ma. Raymond Lam is so handsome ar!!! He looks super duper good in his formal attire, plus his genius physics brain and gentleman character! OMG! The drama is actually a HK version of Detective Galileo which is soooooo much nicer than this HK 1. The first few eps is kinda lame la, 'cos crimes are solved so easily and makes the police looks so stupid lo. Some really easy problems also can't solve...
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