Sometimes its really amazing how someone can read your mind like there is no barrier in between each and every thoughts. Before you can say it out, he had already gave you an answer, made a decision or even done something for you.
I do not believe that people will do anything and everything for the one they love, there is definitely something that they will hold on to and never ever do it, no matter for anyone, not even themselves.
Today, "FOR YOU I WILL", 1 simple phrase, 4 words, 12 letters, make me realise that... There is nothing call IMPOSSIBLE. Be it just a mere thought, just trying out and perhaps it does not end up the way we wanted it to be, but the important thing is, the THOUGHT and COURAGE of doing it.
For my stubbornness, for my perfectionism, for my principle, you are willing to. At this moment, asking: "Is is worth it?" sounds like a stupid question from a fool. Perhaps, stop asking questions, just loving you with all my heart is a better answer to all that you had done and will do in the future.
Its more than words to describe what I feel, I guess using your phrase
You are the best thing I ever had in my life
will be a better way to show you what I feel because, we both feel the same way.
I will be by your side, no matter what happen in the end. If there is anything I can do to make you suffer less, I will. For now, I will just smile and promise... I will smile everyday.
If you ask me one day, what words are better than I LOVE YOU, the answer will be
Getting back my time management skills and can start studying asap~
VLVN and SSRH run well... Last week of stress next week! Please please attend VLVN and the talk~
Secret... Keeping it to myself. ^^
Seriously, time passes really fast, 80% of my job as VP in PharmNotts had been completed. Both me and Dian Han were so relieved. It just felt like yesterday when we were first chosen, so many things happened, so many problems and stresses. And now... Its going to over. Suddenly feel so empty and lifeless again. LOL!
I have never been so screwed in my life before. All these effing stresses coming out of no where and suddenly appear in my totally screwed up life.
I never needed so much time before and now I am begging for 14 days in a week and the time please just stop for a moment. I need to finish my Endocrinology case study, make more promotion for the talks and vaccinations, arrange time with friends and private moments for myself!
Seriously going mad thinking about all these and going insane when people around you do not ever understand. Sabotaging my time for my studies for some seriously tiny matter which are so bloody not important should not be something people like them should do.
I am just begging for some space to breathe. Time, could you please just stop?
Seriously, why did I screw my life up so much this time?
If I need to sacrifice something to make things work, I would rather sacrifice myself.
Never ever ask me not to study or bloody hell study less. I am not going to do that. Never ever in my whole life unless I know I can manage. Do not ask me to go out less with friends because I am going out very much lesser compare to others, going out less meaning NOT to go out at all, I am so not repeating that mistake.
Seriously, just a while for me to breathe in and out, to relax... Would you?
Sleeping less than 5 hours a day is seriously no joke. Pimple start crawling up my forehead, multiplying there and forming colonies there. They are so special that they can only survive in dessert where there is no water supply. The more my skin dehydrate due to staying in freezing cold AC room for long hours and yet not drinking enough of water, the more the grow. They had already attained resistance to my acne cream, cleanser and every single thing I apply on my face to eradicate all of them. OMG, I am seriously worry about my face! Pimple please please go away k? I know you guys wanna let me know I am stress and I need more sleep. I got the message now, just leave me alone k? I Don't Love You!
But seriously, my life had been turning upside down this semester, going all around and not sleeping until 3 am. Earliest time I slept since the Sem starts is 2 am, and that's when I am in m house in Subang. LMAO. The library used to be my second home but now, there is no more second home for me~ If I am forced to say 1, I would say SA - Mr. Gerard's office, counseling department... Anyway, need to experience some crazy uni life here. ^^
Had been getting lectures from parents which really made me stressed out. I just hope they could be a bit more supportive, not sarcastic. Well, hope I can prove to them that what they think about my lifestyle are so wrong. ^^
Realised something...
Jealousy rises when you can't achieve the exact same thing like what others did.
And yes, this is such a common sense. But who will actually admit that:
He/She can but I cannot. He/She is good.
And how many people know the answer to this question:
Does it help you to attain that something, by just jealousy?
There are many answers to this question though. 1 might say yes, other might say no. Actually its yes and no. =p
If it became a motivation for you to go from good to better, just like what others achieved, then its a healthy jealousy.
If it makes you think of how to make that someone fall without improving yourself, then... Fool, you are wasting your time!
Another thing is, sometimes, jealousy in a relationship does not mean you do not trust your another half, its just you do not trust yourself that you can actually be as good as the person you are jealous of. In other way, you actually admire your competitor.
But seriously, if the person really love you, he should love you for who you are. Why worry that the some1 he is close with will take him away? If that really happens, meaning, he is not worth your love and your competitor is not really that great for you to be jealous of her.
Last question:
Is it better to live an imperfect lifestyle than to imitate others' lifestyle perfectly?
I know sometimes I always jump into some worst case scenario, thinking that letting go/giving up is the best solution for the current situation. I can never scratch that silly thought out of my mind in the past, but things are really different this time.
There are so many things to remind me how important you are. There are just too many memories that will make me smile to myself when I am flashing back.
I know things will work out through sharing, just like it always does. Walking through all these together, being honest to each other and understanding everything that either one is going through, all the feelings, be it positive or negative.
Listening to your voice is the best cure to the relapse of my phobia. I just hope we can make it through this time without getting into any fight, like how we go through our problems in the last 4 months. Smile is the thing that we brought to each other, I hope we won't lose it, and not having a smile when we go to sleep is so not in our dictionary.
Maybe, you will be asking, why post something so personal? Yea, it is personal, but can serve as a reminder to many people reading this post that, there is still one more thing before jumping into any conclusion or making any heartbreaking decision, ie:
Ya, maybe many things I have done came to a very nice end because of my pursue for perfection. I always do my very best to achieve the best outcome I can ever get. I can do anything just for it, deteriorating my health, sacrificing my outings or even going around begging for help. I never regret for being a perfectionist when it comes to things that involve me and only me. There are no worries that people might not be comfortable with my own principle, my own thoughts and my own way of dealing with things.
The perfectionism in me freaked me out when I am not the only one in the whole picture.
When people might only expect 70% from the project we are working on, I might be aiming for a 99%. There comes the great conflict. I will be working much more than the others, perhaps in the process let other thought that I am just trying to show off, and in the end stressing myself up, leaving myself thinking 'Why am I so worn out because of this which I do not gain any benefit or when others are doing much lesser?'. There is only one answer: Perfectionist. Sometimes, it really hurts a lot when others do not understand that you are just trying to get the best out of things we are doing, and thinks that its a way to humiliate them, telling them how good I am. But seriously, for those who have this thought in your mind, screw it please. I am just being a freak, hoping everything is done nicely, even if I am not gaining anything from it. I am just trying to carry out my responsibility in the best manner.
Intruding others' life, changing them from who they are to what I want them to be is such a normal thing for me to do. I mean normal, not easy. Seeing cousins neglecting the studies for games, dramas, or whatsoever make me scold them, make me trying to control their time management. This is really none of my business, not like their parents are not there to do that. Its just the thought that they must be like me, try my best to excel in studies, even if fail, at least try. I forgot that not everyone can be as perfectionist as me.
I can't help but to nag when seeing friends risking their health with cigarettes, weeds, alcohol or any kind of drugs coming into their life. I know those people who got words from me might feel really annoyed, thinking: 'Why the hell are you giving me lectures? Who are you?'. I totally understand but sorry, a perfectionist is not only looking for perfection in her life, but also people who are close to her. I will not give a damn to your life if you are just some hi-bye friend in my life. If you mean nothing to me, then the way you ruin your life will not affect the perfectibility of my life. I sound selfish huh? But too bad, I am selfish. I want my life to be as perfect as possible and I do not want you to leave my life. So I chose to introduce some good changes in your life, hopefully in a manner that both feel comfortable. A perfectionist cannot risk losing a friend in her life, more importantly, cannot risk having a friend losing his life. So, I might hate myself for being a perfectionist, giving you and myself burden, screwing up my friendships with people but in other way, I am glad that I am a perfectionist.
It is just that,
Sometimes, you love someone too much that you cannot stand to see his or her life change too much, to the extent that they will lose themselves when you left their life.
Sometimes, you love someone too much that you want to respect his or her choice and rather choose to hurt yourself, sacrificing your perfectionism.
But hey, people cannot be perfect, weigh the flaws yourself.
爱你，离开你。。。 静静的聆听，你幸福的回音。 A sad but nice song. Recent new love =p
Its 2nd week of MPharm II and I am starting to get used to the many changes of Year 2 life.
Life is great with a car around, especially being trapped in such a jungle when you cant walk out and get a nice restaurant for a lunch or dinner~ Still waking up as early as usual... Why? Parking skills sux so need to get to the parking area in campus earlier since it will be sooooo empty that I can easily get my cute baby into the parking box. =p
Life in Uni with not only friend... I am really starting to get used to it. Had some serious conflict and a lot of questions for myself on the first few days of uni. Is it really a nice timing? Can I cope with my studies? Can I use my time fully, as in without affecting my study time, without ignoring my friends ans can still spend time with him? Took me sometime to get away from thinking only about me myself and start putting him into the time planning. Just... Thank you for understanding.
Its difficult to ignore the fact that Pharmacy is a stressful course... Esp when added with PharmNotts stuffs. Imagine class from 9-5 and meeting from 5 til maybe 6? It might be once a week, but still tiring. Also, everyone is really getting into study mood now. Its only the first week and the book I borrowed on the 3rd day of class was being recalled. All the books were fully booked. Its just so amazing thinking about that. Need to trigger my kiasu genes already. Lab starting soon, meaning~ Reports shall be piling up soon! And guess what, my laptop is going to hospital this week or maybe next week. Wish me luck in finishing my report on time!!!
Anyway, first 2 weeks were nice~ =p BBQ to celebrate moon cake fest with friends, BBQ in my new house and dinner with friends~ Life's good... When not thinking about studies. LOL! But I would rather have such packed timetable, at least you know, its time to study~ Not honeymoon year anymore...MoonCake Fest!
Orientation 2010
BBQ and House Warming
Dinner at Mamak~
And, I know, things change and feel different, I am being really emotional lately, great mood swings, paranoid, thinking way too much, throwing temper all around. Bla~ Anyway, time to get back to serious business~ Cannot fool around already! Smile girl~
