Perfection

Being a perfectionist just screw my life up.

Ya, maybe many things I have done came to a very nice end because of my pursue for perfection. I always do my very best to achieve the best outcome I can ever get. I can do anything just for it, deteriorating my health, sacrificing my outings or even going around begging for help. I never regret for being a perfectionist when it comes to things that involve me and only me. There are no worries that people might not be comfortable with my own principle, my own thoughts and my own way of dealing with things.

The perfectionism in me freaked me out when I am not the only one in the whole picture.

When people might only expect 70% from the project we are working on, I might be aiming for a 99%. There comes the great conflict. I will be working much more than the others, perhaps in the process let other thought that I am just trying to show off, and in the end stressing myself up, leaving myself thinking 'Why am I so worn out because of this which I do not gain any benefit or when others are doing much lesser?'. There is only one answer: Perfectionist. Sometimes, it really hurts a lot when others do not understand that you are just trying to get the best out of things we are doing, and thinks that its a way to humiliate them, telling them how good I am. But seriously, for those who have this thought in your mind, screw it please. I am just being a freak, hoping everything is done nicely, even if I am not gaining anything from it. I am just trying to carry out my responsibility in the best manner.

Intruding others' life, changing them from who they are to what I want them to be is such a normal thing for me to do. I mean normal, not easy. Seeing cousins neglecting the studies for games, dramas, or whatsoever make me scold them, make me trying to control their time management. This is really none of my business, not like their parents are not there to do that. Its just the thought that they must be like me, try my best to excel in studies, even if fail, at least try. I forgot that not everyone can be as perfectionist as me.

I can't help but to nag when seeing friends risking their health with cigarettes, weeds, alcohol or any kind of drugs coming into their life. I know those people who got words from me might feel really annoyed, thinking: 'Why the hell are you giving me lectures? Who are you?'. I totally understand but sorry, a perfectionist is not only looking for perfection in her life, but also people who are close to her. I will not give a damn to your life if you are just some hi-bye friend in my life. If you mean nothing to me, then the way you ruin your life will not affect the perfectibility of my life. I sound selfish huh? But too bad, I am selfish. I want my life to be as perfect as possible and I do not want you to leave my life. So I chose to introduce some good changes in your life, hopefully in a manner that both feel comfortable. A perfectionist cannot risk losing a friend in her life, more importantly, cannot risk having a friend losing his life. So, I might hate myself for being a perfectionist, giving you and myself burden, screwing up my friendships with people but in other way, I am glad that I am a perfectionist.

It is just that,

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you cannot stand to see his or her life change too much, to the extent that they will lose themselves when you left their life.

Sometimes, you love someone too much that you want to respect his or her choice and rather choose to hurt yourself, sacrificing your perfectionism.


But hey, people cannot be perfect, weigh the flaws yourself.


爱你，离开你。。。 静静的聆听，你幸福的回音。 A sad but nice song. Recent new love =p