23 days

I am back on my blog once again! Being loved too much and hence have nothing negative to post about here, so I disappeared for quite some time. However, coming back here does not mean I am being emotionally down again. Just suddenly miss blogging.

Throughout my 20 years of life, I've never felt this loved before. I always thought that no one will love me like how my parents did or no one can stand my hot temper. And yet, I found some one who really love me for who I am and I am glad that things are still going on well with him. People might say we are clingy but we love it this way, seeing each other everyday still do not seem enough. But we will really need to get used to not being with each other every moment soon.

Another 23 days until I leave for the UK. Things may be tough for me over there, being alone and constantly missing home and love. I know it will be more tough for my love ones, being in the same place but without me there cooking for them, company them for dramas and talking to them. But I know all of us will be tough and can go through this big challenge. I just hope things will be better when I got back home, with me being more mature and our love can grow even deeper and stronger.

It is time to work hard for my future and my love ones. I will not give up no matter how hard this can be, Promise.

What is wrong?

Wow... It had been a while since I blog about anything~ Had been too busy with assignments and yea, those normal life, daily routines.

I felt lost lately but I do not dare to tell anyone. There is no one for me to talk to recently since everyone is so busy with exams.

Perhaps, I have been thinking too much, worrying about unnecessary nonsense. I just feel that we had finally ended the so-called "Honeymoon" period. Things are becoming different lately. Everything seems to be so abnormal, even the everyday sweetness do not seems to be there anymore. Still sweet, but the sweet seems to be so not real, you see it, you know it but you just dun feel it, it just do not seem to come from the bottom of the heart.

Distance, really do bring people apart. Just less than a month away from Semenyih, just these short period of time not being able to see each other everyday really do have some effects on relationship. Frankly, I am afraid... I do not know what will happen when I am not there for him when he is down. I still lack of the confidence and security that I really need.

I do not seem to be able to prove my existence in his life. Everything seems to be so not real. Messages used to be an essential part of our relationship, and now, it only seems to be important when there is something urgent that we need to contact each other. Normally a sweet message will have a sweet reply, but now, it had became something so normal, so cold that you cannot believe that it is actually from him.

People do say we are sweet, we are. But the level is different now, the feel is different now. It is just 1 hour away from each other. What will happen when we are 12 hours away and having a 8 hours difference from each other? I cannot imagine. Just hope that we can make it through these 2 to 3 years, manage to sort out this problem in the remaining 3 months time because I really do love him, more than anyone else.

Please do not give up on me please baby. I really hope I can always be in your heart, be the first to know how you feel, be the first to put a smile on your face. I may be stubborn and self-centred, I may have a bad temper, but I really want you. *hugs*

Happy Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year, my favourite festive season of the year! New clothes, new bed sheet, new earrings, new watch (Yes! Got my love!), new furniture and new Semester (I hate this tho)!

Had been taking out my video cam out this CNY... I will not be around for CNY next 2 years. Seriously need something to store my memories. And a disaster for the year. Camera malfunction on the reunion night. WTF! Need to send it for repair. >< Luckily I still have my dear N97, which sometimes will turn me down. But its behaving these few days~ XOXO.

Spent reunion night and first day of CNY with dad's family. Had steamboat as usual, our family tradition. =p Then, another tradition: CLUBBING with COUSINS! Went to @live and it was an awesome night, ignoring some stupid people pushing through the crowds and even using their elbow to defend themselves, hurting others and the cigarette smoke which is always too much for me and I hated it soooo much! If its not of the music and dancing and liquor, I will never go club! =p Anyway, @live is worth going and the live band is amazing. Pretty + Handsome + nice voice+ great dance!

2nd day, had lunch with relatives and played cards with parents, then off to Malacca A'Famosa! I actually got dad to travel all the way down there at 5.30 pm, reaching at 7 and left at 11 plus! Crazy but worth it! Met up with most of my mum's side cousins, had BBQ, "Ngau" and FIREWORKS! Uncle actually lighted the fireworks earlier than his plan for me! *touched*

Anyway, had great memories these 2 days but I cried a few times. Will not be able to celebrate CNY in Msia for 2 years at least. I hate this feeling~ ><

Random #4 你世界里的不孤单是我的寂寞

Maybe you never realize...

Your unlonely made me feel pathetic.

Sarcastically, you was always the one who make me feel unlonely.

Why am I feeling that I am all alone recently?

I hate this. I hate it when I only have a lifeless report to be with me every hour, minute and even second.

I hope I will feel better on the last day of this (lunar calendar) year.

I will. Even without seeing you at all. And facing my report alone. I swear I will.

One and Only

Honestly, I do not know what is wrong with me.

I've been reacting totally differently from how I actually felt. Or is it that I am reacting in a way that I really felt and the feelings I thought I had was just something I forced myself to accept?

Its been months and I thought I can get used to it but every time, I disappoint myself.

I guess what I really need is more moments like this, if I want to fight the distance and stay strong in loneliness. I need to shield my mind from all the negative imaginations.

I was able to cope with loneliness, stay in silence, bury myself in my own love, but not now anymore.

Yes, I do not like to be alone now, and I hate to be left alone but yet, I need to stay strong because in the end, I am still with myself only. In the end, I am still alone handling this miserable life.

No, I am wrong actually, I still have my lovely parents who sometimes will stress my life out but still, they are my best present in life~ They are all I have at this moment, this very stressful moment. Thank you my one and only.

Memories~

Finally, after spending 4-5 months emo-ing, she is finally here. Seriously, I need to control my stress and diet better. (Well, another new year resolution that is a mission impossible?) Maybe it will be possible if EXAM does not exist. ^^

Well, done with my Y2S3 exam, 1st and last paper were okay, the 2nd and 3rd... OMG. 2nd still okay, 3rd paper: MICROBIOLOGY. My long time enemy. Just hoping for the best~ 40 marks shouldn't be a problem, I HOPE.

Went Mont Kiara for me and baby's early monthsary dinner in Porto Romano, thanks to Peng for recommending~ Really a nice place with nice food and atmosphere.

Upstairs of the restaurant, downstairs is more like a bar~ ^^ I love the decorations there, especially the fake fireplace.

Baby's food~ Carbonara with beef bacon (A dish that he will never miss)

My main course~ Salmon Cannelloni

Then last week, dad brought back a few super nice photo frames, I don't know where he got them from. Anyway, mum was busy looking for some old photos and realised... We do not have photos printed out these few years, all are in the laptop. So, mum took my childhood photos instead. It was really sweet looking back at the baby me, and I kept asking myself, is that really me? There is this photo, me and my ah mah (grandma)... Seriously, I miss her so much. Memories with her are memories that I will never want to forget, but I guess I cannot control my brain to store most of them. Just hope these photos will recall my memories.

Me and my grandmother when I was one month old~

And I found this picture too~ When I was 5 I think, at my aunt's wedding with cousin sis~ This girl looks so pretty and does not look like me! How I wish I had that look now. =p

And, I was a bit bored and tired of doing my report just now so went to my friendster page, yeah, that long-gone friendster. LOL! Surprisingly, I still remember my password and shocked to see some friends are still active. Went on to find my precious' page, some of his old photos and he really does not look the same now. Seriously, so different. Then went on to some blogs, and found my precious again. Some photos stabbed my heart but I know deep down, those are over. He's mine now.

Random #3

Just one sentence, I can be drag from sky to hell. It's that powerful. Why must I let my emotions be controlled? Sometimes I wonder if, putting down the strong side is a correct option.

I was just hoping you to tell me what is wrong. You wouldn't know how much I cannot concentrate, how hard I was trying to tell myself its okay, how difficult it had been for me to distract myself.

Finally, the wish comes true and why am I not happy? Maybe its not exactly the wish I made.

Maybe, I should not have expectations and believe in myself in the very start.

And O.M.G... The report is stressing me out! Tables--->Graphs. All the word limits, all the description, summary, conclusion... Someone please save me from all these crap before CNY starts!

Seriously, why do we Pharmacy student need to suffer like this when other people have the time to play around during HOLIDAYS. Yes, a freaking MICROBIOLOGY REPORT during HOLIDAYS!

I wish I could be a baby again, wrapped in my grandmother and parents' arm. There would be so little thing to worry about, so little things to stress you out when you do not know what is stress and worry. You wouldn't love, except your toys which will never ever break your heart. That is why, I still love soft toys. They would not hug you back when you hug them, but at least, they mend your broken heart and will never ever leave you. They are all you have and always there for you when you need someone. Especially on such a night. XOXO, my babies~